His Death

• Artist: Rikkeasha
• Description: blah blah blah, need i explain more?
• Date: 03/28/2009
• Tags: death love

turns her back
she walks away
for he is dead
tis not her day

wont love again
he broke her heart
he was the one
he broke it apart

there he lies
on his death bed
her eyes full of tears
a bullet in his head

she sits alone
with no one to hold
there in the dark
her heart so cold

Comments

[fIexed]

Interesting, if a bit confusing as to the motion of the narrator. You got a rhythm and excellent, natural rhymes.

The rhythm, though, was a bit short and chirpy for me. Didn't quite match the mood. Sounds a bit sing-song to me.