I think something's wrong with me. As to what I am not fully sure. Everything, I mean everything seems so...dull lately. Video games, my amv's, even gaia. They all seem...so normal. Perhaps it was the over obsession with all of these things for such a long period of time that has caused this motion to come along, or rather perhaps I have reached a point in my life where I know subconsciously I should stop with this stuff and work on more important things. I am not sure.
On another note one of my cousins died. I didn't really know him that well, but I remember my grandmother always talking about his straight A's. How much I wanted to be like that, straight A, to feel loved like that. I wonder if people will be like that at my funeral or not? Should I die a young age like him will people cry for me? Will my friends come there? Would anyone really miss me? Did I even impact anyone's lives at all? There's so much that can't be answered unless we die. Death may bring pain, but life brings years of suffering and loss.
Now that I think about it, my sixteenth birthday is on the eighth. I thought it would be happy, and I always am, in the month of August I am always happy because I knew it was my birthday (mostly the fact I get like..250 dollars by the end of one day). Yet it feels slightly empty. Maybe because I always thought my grandma would be alive but she's dead. I mean it happened a few years ago but still...it makes me sad. Maybe that could explain my recent dullness and empty feeling. Perhaps it will pass soon. Though I highly doubt it, time will tell.
~ Shadow
 elegantdemonofpoop · Tue Aug 02, 2005 @ 09:14pm · 5 Comments |
