Third post [Things to do: go to gaia prom; finish reading "undead and unreturnable"; eat (i forget sometimes); work on cards; dishes; try to clean my room again; work on medieval dress; avoid playing DnD; meh and some other stuff i'm sure]
I'm feeling down today. My memories caught up to me after a nap. I hate thinking back.
For some odd reason, i only remember my faults, my embarassing moments, and all the things i've done wrong. It makes me depressed in the worst way. It also makes me feel terribly insecure.
I don't have a lot of friends. I know this, accept this, and am aware that it's my timid nature that makes me this way. I've been told that i come off prickly at worst and almost always unapproachable. It's a self preservation technique i need to get rid of. But today and maybe just lately in general, i feel as if i'm losing the few friends i do have. We're drifting apart.
My traitorous nasty inner voice is trying to tell me it's something i've done. My scolding voice is telling me it's probably something i haven't done. and my lonely inner child says to soothe myself with chocolate and forget the whole thing.
I usually listen to my inner child. Its always makes so much more sense then all the other voices in my head. But its time (perhaps past time?) that i stop being a child and grew up.
*sigh*
I can't even pull up the courage to talk to any of the psudo-named impersonal faces on gaia. It's the lowest of the low when i'm avoiding even online conversations.
I'm tired.... not physically but mentally. And i don't know what to do with myself.
 Cri'tal · Sat May 17, 2008 @ 03:24am · 1 Comments |
