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So I was in forums today, and I decided to pick a random thread and reply to it. I ended up going to a suicide one [How odd....not] and read this. It really does make a lot of sense.
It's a feeling at its most extreme. Not a thought. An intense and strong feeling that is hard to overcome, even when thinking of the happiest memories you have ever experienced. It is very difficult to explain if you have never felt it before. Absolute hopelessness and just not caring about anything that could, would, or will happen. That is the best I can personally do with a description. Of course, I think it varies from individual to individual. I'm just trying to share my thoughts on the OP.
It's a real problem that is sadly being degraded by many who have doubts about life and disguise it as thoughts of suicide.
I do agree that it's selfish. But in that moment, it's selfish to think that other people want you there to please them when you wish for nothing more than to be gone. I cannot say I agree about cowardice, though. Weakness, but not cowardice.
To which my reply was:
To be honest, I hadn't ever thought about it until I got into highschool....But as school went on I stopped thinking about it.
One of my good friends has made numerous remarks about commiting suicide, because he knows that I once thought about it and am sensitive about it. He pushes me to the edge because he throws my insecurities in my face.
I don't get why people would wanna commit suicide, when I thought about it I would just go 'Ugh it's a bad day, I'm gonna go jump in the middle of traffic.' And most of the time I'd be on an empty street, so I'd be pretty safe to walk in the middle of it.
I just don't understand why people would though, I understand having a hellish life, but to the point where dying would be any better? Think about those who care about you too.
I mean, I'll admit I've attempted when I was a kid, but I was too oblivious to realize I was trying to kill myself. I'm open about it too, I tried choking myself when I was playing a game of hide and seek when my sister found me right in time and pulled the scarf from my neck. (I was trying to hang in the coat from the wall like in those movies....I failed)
And to this day I really have weak spots for people. I always wanna help people now, because of what happened to me. Is anyone else like that?
My friend, I mean, he's a good person, but we're always fighting, it's gotten so bad we aren't even allowed to talk to each other anymore. It kills me inside a lot to remember how he's always telling me how it's the only way out of his life and he's haunted by everything. And all I ever want to do is help him, but I can't. =[
Sorry it's so long, but it's a strong subject for me.
 nangal · Sun Nov 23, 2008 @ 02:31am · 0 Comments |
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