song+ Factory Girls // Celtic Whispers
book+ Unfinished Tales // Aldarion and Erendis
scent+ coffee
quest+ @.@ I don't know. ;_;
upper+ pixilated gold; I'm alive?
downer+ look icky; no energy at all -o-
attire+ pj's and ect and mexican blanket .. yay culture in the form of snuggly warmth xD
drink+ coffee @-@
-PRODSEVERYONE- HEY! biggrin
Soyeah .. my sleeping hours are so deranged. -_- I can't fall asleep until dawn anymore. This is preventing me from doing anything productive i.e get a bloody job stare .. but I think even if I slept 'normally' I'd still feel the same. x_x That is, totally exhausted. >.<
I've been off my anxiety meds for a few days .. x.x since I did get the scripts for them, but I haven't been able to go get it filled due to mums car tire being all .. flatish. xD So anyway because of it I'm feeling more wiggy about everything lately. I only have a few of my happy meds left. But I guess it doesn't matter since they don't seem to be working all that well anymore. -_-
I just need to get the motivation and energy to get a job and keep it for a while. ;_; That's all. When I actually go out and try I don't have much trouble. But lately I can't even go outside. ;-; My agoraphobia has almost taken over my life in terms of productivity .. I can't even think too much of the sky or wide spaces without having a panic attack. o_o I've been kind of floaty and disassociated from things lately .. more than usual even. The only time I feel better is when I'm with Ryuukun. ;-;
But annnnyyyway. o_O
So I've been bitten by the Tolkien bug lately. whee It's because I watched some of the extras on the DVD. xD Then I got to talking about various LotR stuff with mum, and that got me thinking of specifics since I've forgotten a BUNCH of stuff. ;-; (Names, ect.) Well to check those specifics I had to look at my books. And now of course ..
xD I'm rereading Unfinished Tales. And can't stop. XD! I think one of my favorite stories is the tale of Aldarion and Erendis. I mean it's a terribly sad story of course. ^^; But it's rather unlike the Silmarillion. It takes place in Numenor, with humans as the main characters. So there is a sense of 'distance' from the ancient times, from the Elves especially. And since it is mainly about two characters, you get very attached to them.
But it's in UT for a reason. IT JUST ENDS. XD Really. It just stops at a certain point. Tolkien never finished the story. The rest of it he wrote in bits and pieces, and never in full. So the end has to be summarized by Christopher Tolkien. xD It's like .. gonk
Anywayyeah .. @.@
I've totally gotten out of practice with my drawing. -o-;
I found a good site on Sha'can. whee www.sharanya.org It's too bad their main temples are in California and India .. so it's not like I can just go there and learn. But at least they have a book coming out. So yay. =B Also they will have online classes soon so I'm definitely registering. ^^
There is something else though. -.- I don't know if I should really talk about it here but I may as well. <.< I'll post it eensy teesny just to make myself feel better. >_<
I think I'm developing anorexia. o_o Don't freak out. It's just .. >.> well I hadn't been thinking about it lately. I mean about my totally unhealthy 'goal' of 105. But I stepped on the scale a couple of days ago and it read 104. x.x; I was actually kind of happy, and then kind of alarmed, because a large portion of my brain said that wasn't good enough and that I really ought to be at 100. o_o; I know it's stupid. But I obsess more than I'd like to admit about how much I eat, what I eat, when I eat it, ect. I know it's totally unhealthy but .. >< I can't stop. I mean, I get horribly depressed if I gain just one pound back. I've never had anorexia before .. I mean, for the most part I've just been thin anyway. I've always been a tad underweight, but this was due to metabolism. Then my metabolism slowed down a bunch, and when I was at dads I gained weight without realizing it (at first). Since I've been back I've lost it all and more, and I've developed a terrible fear of going back to that. I mean I'm so phobic that I'm afraid that if I post this it will somehow 'jinx' me, and I'll gain weight. It's ridiculous! But .. -_- I guess I feel, since I can't really be pretty, I may as well be slender. Iknowit'sstupid. >_< But .. anyway .. e.e .. yeah. I feel really stupid about this .. so .. *sweatdrop*
 The Viscount · Fri Nov 11, 2005 @ 06:20am · 3 Comments |
