Song: Three Days Grace- Home
Mood: ._. pissed numb
******** A. I would have just gone to school if I knew today would have been how it was. For now on I go to school as much as often to get out of this damn house.
I wake up and almost instantly I'm greeted with the sweet sounds of my mother bitching. Surprise surprise.
She had me and my sister clean our rooms which was fine since I really needed to, but she didn't need to be a royal b***h. She helps my sister do hers and of course my sister is a royal pain in the a** and does nothing. So my moms short temper explodes and she gets mad, and who gets to be the one she gets mad at? Me.
Theres nothing I can do right with that woman. All she does is b***h. I do one thing she asks it's not done right. I be nice and clean the house while she's busy and she just finds a reason to nit pick. I do this, and she'll want that.
Everyone thinks my life is so ******** great. Yeah, I admit sometimes she can be nice. At least she doesn't ground me if I bring a C home. But she still finds a way to make me feel like dirt, even if it is about grades.
Its like every day is another day to find some other reason to hate myself. Lets just add on to the already large list.
She acts sweet around everyone, but in the end she's just a pain in the a**. Leaving for college won't come soon enough.
Of course I don't even know why I'm going. I'll just end up taking care of her and my little sister, and everyone else.
Its bad enough that for almost half a year I was the only one making money in this house. Everyone always things were well off, but that's because everyone else in my family is and they give us stuff. We're a ******** charity.
I'm greatful- I love my cousins, my uncle, my aunts, and my grandparents. They do a lot for us.
But why should I be the only one making money? My dad's to lazy drinking beer to get off his a** and find a job. Oh sorry, he has one now. It pays as much as I get though or less.
I'm at my wits end. I know my little sister has a disability, but my mom lets her run the house because of it. She'll threaten her and she'll end the end let Susie win. Then if one of us loose are tempers we practically get smacked.
I'm sick and tired of ending up in my room crying. I'm sick and tired of feeling like s**t every single day. And I'm sick of no one caring. It's like every time I turn around theres someone else throwing some kind of lie in my face, pretending something, or just showing me a facade. I get something good and it's only moments later that it all falls through.
I'm trying to raise my grades. I'm trying to do well at school. I'm trying to be a better writer and artists, and I'm trying to be the perfect daughter my mother expects me to be.
But I can't be.
There's always someone that's smarter. There's always someone more talented then me. And I can't be a perfect daughter. My older sister ******** up and I pay for it. I can't express myself. I have to pretend.
I feel like a failure constantly.
I'm screaming and no one ever hears.
It's always been like that. Its been like that for years.
I'll never be good at something and even when I work hard to be it seems there's someone else ahead or someone wanting more, wanting it better.
Half the time I'm positive no one would even notice if I just dissappeared. That's what I want to do half the time.
Heh.
