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'I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done'
She sat on the bed, her hands clasping a frame. Her normally silken hair, that laid perfectly on her shoulders was a mess, sticking out in every direction. She held a picture of a young boy, grinning, giving a peace sign, his arm around her shoulder. Both so happy. She sobbed, her shoulders shook.
"Leo..." She muttered between sniffs and tears. She wore a black dress, black nylons and black boots. You could see the tattoo on her leg that was half a broken heart, that when joined with her partners leg, it said 'Leo X Le 4 ever'. "Why you, leo?' Her dim room echoed the soft music coming from the radio on her white dresser. Her blue sheets, the red curtains, the blue rug, red walls, blue red and purple pillows, all echoed his name. There was a collection of blades on the far left wall, jeweled leaves in a row on her end table. She rubbed her tear streaked face. A gentle nock came to the door.
"Elaine, its time for the funeral, come on." her room mates sweet voice echoed. La stood up, went to the mirror, a heart mirror, on the back read the words, 'for my little girl, love her daddy.' La rubbed away the black on her cheeks and replaced the photo in its exact place on the end table. As she went to the door and walked through, she ran her fingers through her hair. Her roo mate, Carla, drove to the funeral, the eerie quiet braced the car, the only sounds were the depressing music, coming from the radio.
'And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here'
La stood in front of his casket, looking down on his peaceful face. She placed her gilded rose on his chest, after kissing the petals. She bent down nex to his ear, tears flowing out of her eyes.
"Good bye." She whispered, and lingered a while longer, Carla got up.
"C'mon sweetie, its alright." She lulled, leading herback to her seat. She broke into tears and started to run out of the room.
"Getting so emotional over a f*****t worthless piece of s**t is pitiful." His father said. She stopped, and turned, her face red from the tears, and anger. She walked over to him, her heals clicking on the floor. She stood over his father,tears still falling out of her eyes.
"He was a better man then you will ever be." She said, slapping him andleaving he room. Carla found her later, out near the lake, she sat on the stool, rocking gently back and forth, not crying anymore, but sadness and despair marker her face.
"You know, honey, he loved you. And the police will catch his killer. He's in a better place, his mother and father will never hit him again. You'll always love him. C'mon, they want you to sing to his memory, please?"
"Fine." She said, hervoice was completely dead and narrow. They came back to the funeral, and she stepp beside her open coffin. He had such a flat exspression.
"As most of you know, Leo was my fiance`, we were going to be married after i got out of school, colledge. He loved my singing, he said through the pain and sorrow, it was like an angel calling his name. And... and I'd like to believe that when i finish this song, he'll hear me whereever he is, and know i loved him with all my heart and soul, that he was my light, my life. This was his favorite song, its called here with out you, by three doors down." She took a deep breath.
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me..."
'Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear'
Three or four days before....
Leo's mouth met hers. When he pulled away he smiled.
"You are the light, like angels to a stormy sea. All love and feeling into a heart, swelling with joy, and a kiss as sweet. I love you." he said, kissing her again.
"Your shoulder is swollen."
"Its nothing, I had to visit Tales yesterday, he shoved me down the stairs." he mumbeled it like a poison hit his tongue. "The important thing is how much i love you. And I... just love you."She laughed, like bells.
"Love you too." She said.
"Your lips taste like melons. I love melons." He said, they laughed again, and joined in another tender kiss. "Sorry, i haveto go to work, sweet singing my love." he said.
"Sweet living, my light." she answered. he left,a few hours passed, and a knock came her her front door. She had a tub of ice-cream and spoon in her hand when she answered the door, she was in her night clothes.
"Are you Elaine Parks?"
"Yes, what do you need officer?"
"I think you should sit down." he said, She went into the den and sat, placeing the ice-cream on the end table in front of her. the officers followed, slamming the door.
"Your Leonardo Sulesst's fiance` correct, uhm, you go by Le?"
"Yes, you know, Le, Lo, La? He's Lo, i'm Le, our roommate is La."
"I thought you would be a man."
"Is Leo in trouble?"
"Something like that. I'm sorry miss Parks, but your fiance's` body was recovered in an ditch earlier today, he he have any enemies?" She stared at them, eyes wide.
"I'm sorry, i don't think I under stand you right?"
"Your boy friend was murdered." She looked down at her hands, gasping for breath, she groped for a paper bag as she started to hypoer venalate. after a few minutes she settled again.
"Did he have any enemies?"
"No... well, theres my daddy, but he died of prostate cancer about a year ago. His parents, he really kept to himself, my ex didn't like h-him. When we started going out, a lot of my friends disowned me, I was very popular in high school, 10th grade."
"How'd you two meet then?"
"Her was bran new at our school, it was love at first sight. He had golden hair that glittered in the sunlight, those blue eyes, brown skin, his hair was white. He was on a pair of crutches, and you know, it sounds so stupid, b-bu-ut-t," she gulped, "Our eyes met across the lunch room, and we just stayed that way for minutes. Then his dad snapped at him and he went to his table, holding a tray and himself at the same time. God my friends hated him. I broke upwith Zaveir and we've been together ever since."
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
2 months later...
"Miss parker, I under stand you've been through a tradgity, but your test scores are horrible! you answered tru love, hate, death and departure to every question! Now i know this is a poetry exame, but really? I'm sorry, but as the moderator of this school, I'm afraid I'm going to have to flunk you out."
"Yes sir, i understand." She said, her voice still flat and narrow, nothing but shallow empty graves.
"Pack up your room, I want you out by tomorrow night." He said, then sighed, he placed a arm, unwelcomed, yet friendly hand on her shoulder. "I think you need a therapist. I know a good one, here." He handed her a phone number. "When my lover died, I went to him, he does amazing things to your mind, you'll be you again in no time."
"I don't have anywhere to go, sir. My mom dad, true love, and all my friends are either dead or ignoring me."
"I'm sorry, but that isn't my problem. I know you have money, so rent an appartment, theres some on third." He said, she left, and drug her feet to her dorm room. She could move back in with La, but there was so many memories there. She went in, and put all her clothes and the mirror in a box. She stripped the sheets and the lamp and books, itall fit in two boxes. Her cell phone lay on the end table. Shehad three texts from La, telling to get over it, most likly. She stuffed the phoneinto her pocet and left the premises. She got to her car and packed it all in. She bumped into a young man.
"I'm sorry." He said, smiling. "Are you alright?"
"Yes. Go away." She said.
"Are you sure? I mean, you look really bad, I'm Tammy, by the way." He said, she shook his hand.
"Tammy? what are you gay?"
"Parents idea of a joke, I am bi though."
"Don't get too attatched to anyone." She said and yanked her hand away. she climbed into her car and drove to the grave yard. She sat next to his grave, staring at the letters and passed them.
She noticed a sharp looking rock on the ground. She picked it up and held it against her forehead. Its cool fresh soaked into her skull.
"I miss you Leo, so much." She said, and laid down on his grave. About n hour passed, and the heavy dark clouds that had hung low in the sky finally began to cry with her. She stayed there for another hours, and heard foot steps, she turned. Tammy loomed above her.
"You knew Leo?"
"He was my fiance`." She answered, breaking down into tears again.
"He was my best friend, he moved, I just found out her was dead. Are... your beautiful, why be so sad?" He asked, sitting down next to her.
"He was my reason for life, my soul mate."
"There can be other soul mates, i mean, maybe he wasn't yours maybe he or she is still out there. Besides, Leo's happy where he is. He'd want you to move on."
"How do you know?"
"I know Leo. He's always been very... don't care so much and life is easy, kinda person." He had such a soft whispery voice, like the wind.
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do
Tammy nocked gently on her appartment door. She answered and smiled.
"Hey, Tammy." She said.
"Hello Elaine." He answered, grinning. "How was the therapist?"
"Helpful, he had me bring a picture of him."
"Cool, i'm glad hewas helpful."
"Hows Jacob?"
"He's being... jacob, ignoring me because I was asleep when he got home last night. Apparently, at 1 a.m. he has enough energy to have sex. Whatever anyway. Hows Carla?"
"Over worked. OH! Did i tell you?! I'm going back to school!" She beemed.
"Thats fantastic!!" he exclaimed, hugging her, he lifted her up and twirled her. She giggled.
"I couldn't of turned the page if it wasn't for you. Also, I guess i should tell somone...I..." She blushed.
"What?"
"You know, his dad died, and he left a 'I'm sorry' in his will, admitting everything,and leaving all his money and all the items Leo had to me?"
"Really? Wow."
"Yeah... 3 million dollars.... I don't need that money! Goddamn." She exclaimed.
"Lets get some coffee to celebrate."
"On me." SHe muttered, they walked toward the door, and just outside, she collapsed. He gasped and called 911. She awoke some time later in the hospital.
"Wha..." She muttered, rubbing her head.
"You collapsed, the doctors said that it was pneumonia! That means you've been siting at his grave in the rain to much! I loved Leo, and even if I've only known you for a few months, I love you too, you can't do this to yourself Elaine!" Tammy exclaimed.
"I'm sorry... I go every day, and I tell him whats going on. He'd be glad that I met you." She said, nodding, then coughing. "I'm so tired..." She mumbeled, settling back down.
'Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear'
He watched her sleeping. She was peaceful, and happy when she slept, with the occasional waking, puking, or coughing. He kissed her burning forehead and left, with a gilded rose on her end table. When she finally awoke two or three days later, Carla, Jacob, Tammy, and a doctor were in her room.
"Ms. Parker, your friends have told me that you spend a lot of time in the rain, with out a hat or blanket or anything next to your deceased boyfriends grave, now I understand how thats like, I lost all of my loved ones in a fire some years ago. Also," a kind smile came to her lips, she bent down next to the girls ear. "Your pregnant."
"Wha?! How far along?"
"About 6 months."
"Leo only died 5 months ago!" She exclaimed. "Why didn't I notice?!"
"Survere depression, not eating right, barely moving, you don't eve look it sweet heart." The doctor left.
"What?!"
"I-I... I'm pregnant... 6 months along." She said, touching her stomach. Tammy couldn't helop but smile to himself.
"Even if you can not hear my voice, I'll be beside you my dear." Tammy whispered, the excited friends and girl drowned him out. Elaine fell asleep the next day in her own bed. She felt someones arms surround her, their arms weren't there, but were. She slept with a smile on her face, a song playing gently in her head.
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
As the next two months passed, her stomach doubled in size. Tammy stayed near her at all times, Carla and Jacob all called and emailed every day to get more information.
"Tammy, I'll be fine! Go hang out with Jacob! You two don't hardly see each other any more!" She exclaimed, studying for her coming poetry exam. Tammy looked at her and beemed.
"I'm sorry, I just love babies, and you, and Jacob understands, the baby could come anyday, an-"
"Honey, Carla wants a turn. Thank you, your a great friend, I love you too." She smiling a smile as large as her face. "Now go on get." She ordered, smiling again.
After the baby was born, Elaine was complete again, her baby was Leo, only small, only a combination of their love, joined to the most. She graduated collage and got a job, working an hour a day. For the rest of the day, she took care of her daughter, Theresa, Leo's favorite name, Carnation Elaine's favorite flower, Sulesst-Parker. She had big brown eyes, like her daddies, and silken white gold hair, she was so small. She was amazingly lucky, as lang as she had lived, she didn't have alchohol syndrom. Carla held the baby as her friend slept.
"I wish you were mine, baby. But I'm glad your not." She whispered, she rubbed her black nailed index finger against her soft pink cheek.
'Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads'
A year passed, a man named Sharl moved in next door. He had violet colored eyes, and jet black hair. Dimples on his cheeks when he smiled, the smile took up his entire face.Tammy and her were discussing gay right when he bumped right into her.
"Oh,, i'm, so sorry!" He exclaimed, turning bright red. She smiled.
"Its fine. your the one that moved in across the hall from me. I'm Elaine, this is my friend Tammy." She smiled.
"Hi... Tammy, nice meeting you, and you Elaine. Sharl, names Sharl." He said, "Oh, what a beautiful daughter you have!" He said. "whats her name?"
"Theresa." She answered.
"Is she yours or..." He looked at Tammy.
"Oh no, Thereasa's daddy died before she was born. Tammy's just an overly pprotective friend.
"Plus I'm bi and she isn't my type." He said, The smile on Sharl's face fled.
"Oh... uhm... thats nice." He looked away and hurried down the hall. Months pass before she see's him again. But their conversasion is interupted by screaming, coming from my baby sitter. She runs for the door and yanks it open. The man, hovering inches above the babies bed smells, like heaven. The sweet mixture of soil, roses and lilacs.
"What?" She muttered. "Who are you?" He turns, sad echoing face. He walks towards her, not making a sound, or disturbing the fainted baby sitter.
"I have a message, are you Elaine Sulleest?"
"Parker, Suleest was... going to be my last name." The mans face is soft and full of light.
"Elaine, Le, I have a message for you, from your fiance`."
"My fiance` is dead."
"More than that, he watches you, even if you can not hear his voice each evening." He touched her face gently, and smiled. "He said you were the most beautiful creature on earth." The man said, and handed her a golden envelope. She stared at it, and took it. She opened t and read over it slowly.
'Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess'
My dearest Le,
it is time, to let me go. I understand, and I love you with all of my soul, heart, and mind, but our daughter needs you. And your love is keeping me bound to this earth. Please don't be sad anymore, its torture for me to see your face so wrought with depression and saddness. Baby, you were the light my entire life, from the moment I met you, I knew I'd love you more than words, forever, and I knew that you were all the light, and each time I held the knife to my skin, afraid of the pain, afraid of death, but wanting it more than anything, i saw your face and it saved me from hell. I have so many things to thank you for love, so many. I'm sorry I left Theresa with out a father for so long. Open your eyes, take in the earth and sky as long as you can, breath in the aroma's and life. Take upon yourself the light and sing with all of your soul. You know, the angel that gave you this letter is named Karlu, God said he was my gaurdian angel, isn't he so sad looking? God also said that; thats what happens when an angel loses to many charges to suicide. I really miss you Le. I really really do. But I want you to be real, i want you to stop fading out of the picture, its been nearly two years! Please, I need your love to fall on our daughter. God needs his pen back now, but remember how much I love you. Sleep sweet Le, Elaine. Oh, and tell La and Tammy that I love them, give Thersa a big hug and kiss for me.
Love you so much!
Leo, you lo.
P.S. i borrowed a different pen from god because i wanted to tell you that My dad's here! He begged my forgiveness for everything, he was crying, Le, balling his eyes out. he got down on his knee's and huged me around the waist, and said 'Please forgive me for everything, please my son, please'. He did love me after all! I didn't realize he could love. Gotta go now, love you.
She stared at the letter and started to cry, Karlu smiled at her.
"Its alright, don't cry."
"I'm not crying because i'm sad." she sobbed. "I'm crying because i'm so h-happy!" She hiccupped. "Could you give him something for me?"
"Of coarse!" He exclaimed. She walked to the night stand and picked up a photograph of her and theresa, she had edited him onto the photo. Her favorite picture.
"Here." She said, handing it to him. "Oh, and..." She kissed him gently. "That to."
"Alright." he smiled and vanished. She kissed her daughters forehead and walked into the kitchen. When her baby sitter finally awoke, she smiled at her.
"You fainted darling, are you okay?" She asked.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, i thought I saw a ghost."
"That was silly of you. Well, heres your pay, have a good night!" She exclaimed.
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
About three years passed, when her daughter went to school, she and her friends sat around the table, playing cards, or the drove, singing along to the radio. when they went oput, they went to clubs, and the way their bodies pulsed to the music showed everything, from their losses to their passions.
the Five year anniversery of his death came up to meet her. Many people were there.
"My fiance was a good man, like the drum he was the heart beat of my music. He was caring, and loving, most of his money he donated to charity, he saved peoples lives every day. As most of you know he as the man you'd see coaxing a suicidle down from the ledge, away from the gun or blade." She took a deep breath to calm her waiving voice. "He died 5 years ago today, laving me pregnant and alone. The man, or woman, that killed him was never found."
 demon strait outta_hell · Sun Jun 28, 2009 @ 09:05am · 0 Comments |
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