im an emotional wreck right now, so feel free it ignore these entries where i sulk and rant bout it. its really stupid and pointless.
anyways so yesterday i was feeling so many things. like three bad things for every good thing........and well i broke down some time during the evening. not sure when. and well i cut myself. havnt done it in years.......and well whenever i have a breakdown, i try to seperate myself from people so that i can get myself together and reduce the chances that i say or do something i regret. well apprently i needed more time than i gave myself cuz i said this to someone i was talking to:
Quote: why should you? im a heartless, sefl-centered, anti-social, insane, sadistic/masochistic, sinning b***h. why anyone trusts me is beyond me.......
normally i would never say something like that cuz i know how much itd upset him. and of course cuz of that little statement, he found out i started cutting again and i got a good talking to. well to me it was, if you read it, i doubt youd think it qualified as a 'talking to'. but for me, knowing how he felt when he spoke them, it was a pretty good talking too.
and after thinking about it ever since i commited 'adultry' i've decided that i love him. I love him so much it hurts, and while i may love her, its different. it's like how you love a mistress or something. you're attracted to them, and have strong feelings for them, but its not the same as with the person you love. of course......there's still plenty of problems, but at least i have that storm settled out. course one lightning strike in a hurricane means nothing........
well. hopefully neither of them read this as they know i;m talking bout them as soon as they readi redface sweatdrop
 BSPBleach · Fri Jul 01, 2011 @ 09:59am · 0 Comments |
