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Why am I so tired..(Update on me)


Okay, went to sleep at 2am something, got up at 6am something.
Got up and got ready then rode with my mom to take my sister to school.
Came home real quick to get my notebook to draw in while in the waiting room.
Got there, talked to my mom for the thirty minutes we waited filling out forms.
After they called her back I was about to start drawing when they called me.
Went in and talked about everything and what I think I have problems with.
She said it sounds like I'm Major Depressive and asked what I wanted to do.

I told her that I don't think I should go to therapy, I'd be wasting their time.
I decided it was best to just jump into the idea of taking medication.
I know, I hate the idea of it, my whole family is on something on their own.
So I hate the idea, but I have all my friends to talk to about my problems.
If you guys can't help me, then talking to someone else about it isn't going to.

I usually just bottle my feelings or push them back and move past them.
I may type them out on here, but I don't really like to drag each of you into it.
Personally, I don't mind just hearing you tell me you're here for me.
I may never use you, but its good to hear I could if I needed to.
I truly thank you all for caring, even if I don't feel comfortable drowning you.
Your words help me a lot, they always have so I hope I didn't offend anyone.
But probably the thing dragging me down are the situations I'm in.
If I could get to a better place in my life, I could be happier, I'm sure I could.
I need help to get to that better place, so I need pills to keep the thoughts away.

I go back May 17th for a psych analysis, kind of like a second opinion I guess.
They'll talk to me more about whether I really want to get medication or not.
I know you hear "medication" and think drugs I'll get addicted to.
I asked if I could come off the pills and be normal without them, and she said yes.
She also told me they don't prescribe the heavier more addictive drugs there.
So the medication I would be taking, wouldn't be harming my kidneys or liver.
That was one of my main worries because I saw what happened to my granny.
But apparently I'll be fine, and still- if I feel uncomfortable about it, I'll stop.
This is to get me help, they can't "make" me do anything, so I can stop.

I know no one is going to be comfortable about this at first but I have to try.
At least this way when I complain about feeling like s**t, people can't hold it against me.
I can say in all honesty I tried to get help, even if it didn't work out, I tried.
So, just bare with me through all this and we'll see if I can get better.
I'm probably going to need all the luck I can get, but don't break your bank.
I'll be fine, I promise- and I can say that because it's always true.
Everything will turn out in the end, I just don't want to feel like s**t getting there.

I hope you guys aren't too upset with me over my decision.
I love you all, thank you so much for your support so far.
This will make things easier on everyone in the end.



As for the title? I'm so tired right now, even though when I came home I took a nap.
Came home around 10am something and took a nap till 5pm something.
And yet here I am, still tired. I just wanna go back to sleep. Ugh..this sucks.
Sorry if I doze somewhere in between thank you and I'm sorry.

Hope y'all had a good day today.

(copy and pasted from my dA journal)