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Beware .. the longest entry in the history of the universe. |
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song+ nothing at the moment .. but Indian music from Wild Divine ish in mah head
book+ Angela's Ashes ;_;
scent+ nag champa
quest+ Don't really know right now
upper+ medication .. <3 ryuu .. <3 .. check from work .. <3
downer+ no job, loosing mind, all ugly and horrible looking -_-
attire+ pink top with embroidery and jeans
drink+ nay
Soooo ... u.u .. blarhg.
Today has been okee. I mean, no natural disasters, and such. Yay for that. I should not complain about anything - I mean as long as there's no earchquakes or floods I ought to be happy right? o_O;
But the mind works in mysterious ways .. @_; .. I dunno.
I feel so bleh. I woke up feeling better .. I had been kind of wasted on benadril and my new anxiety meds, so it felt good to not be so out of it. I felt kinda clear. But then it started going all manic again in my head and I couldn't sit still, so I cleaned the kitchen and the dishes, my larf helped me take out the trash, and I cleaned the bathroom and did some laundry. I just took my meds again and things are starting to slow down upstairs .. I can barely type at all but look at the words fly .. wheeee words.
So anhoodles .. no inspiration lately. I mean, there is, but every time I try getting into a good literate RP I suddenly keel over. I can't think of anything to write. I even began my own wolfpack in the RP section of Gaia (literate, since all the other packs were one-line-per-post newbies. u_; .. ) I play an alpha male, but the alpha female has gone AWOL but I don't blame her since I kind of stopped posting too. -___- And the PM's keep going down which makes it hard for people to join. I dunno. Maybe I'll revive it in a bit, maybe, blarhg.
It's all dark in here all of a sudden. Which is just as well since daylight makes me burst into flames, pale wraithling that I am. -___-; I'm thinking of getting some tanning lotion because I'm tired of being this pale. I know I should get out more but when I go outside I have panic attacks. The huge sky makes me panic because I feel so small, and I'm afraid gravity will suddenly stop and I'll float away into space and become a little frozen space rock. seriously.
Plus who wants to see me anyway? I don't deserve Ryuu, he's so shmexy and I'm an icky corpse from the darkest bog in Limerick you could find.
blarhg. So anyhoodles. I was thinking about getting one of those breedable pets, but they all seem to be about 4 to 5 thousand gold, which is too much for me, miserly hoor that I am. xD
I found out there is a Hindu mandir nearby, but they're Donation Happy which means they'll look down upon me since I have no money to give them, and I don't look remotely Hindu, unless I wear a paperbag over my head.
I've always wanted to go to the devi mandir in California where donations are not needed and you can be any race in the universe. They don't care if your Germanic and have hair white as snow, if you're Hindu you can worship with them. Sigh.
I guess I'm doomed to be a solitary, no matter what religion I practice. =/
Anyhoodles, I'll stop with the angstyness now.
I feel worried for my lurff. I hope he knows I love him more than life itself. I should just tell him that right now. I just don't want him to think that my depression is because of him .. it's just the chemicals in my brain going all wonky. I know I am blessed to have him, I am the luckiest girl in the universe that he loves me, and I will always love him and no other come hell or high water. Or was it .. hell or .. well, you know what I mean. ^^;
Rawr. I dunno what I should quest for right now. I kinda like the Chuck Norris scarf, and the sword, and new sun staff. &_&; But I don't wanna spend my gold. =/ What if something else comes along, then I'll wish I hadn't spent all my gold.
Grawr.
Anyway. I hope I can get better soon 'cause sometimes I really am going out of my mind. I'll try to just hang onto reality and try to get a job, even though this medicine makes me sleepy, but not taking it makes me go crazy. =/ Also the meds don't make me want to eat. I think I've had a peice of bread and some oatmeal today. @_o;
Good thing is that Target sent me a check so we'll be okay for rent this month. Thank the Goddess. *_*;;;; ...
Um I got bored so I thought I'd rip off nekos latest entry .. I know I've done it before but some of the questions need new answers and .. well here goes: XD
-How much gold do you have? 21409
-How much gold do you wish to have? an infinite amount =B
-Are you questing something? maybe the sword, or the chuck norris scarf
-Whats the third letter of your first name? xD "B"
-Can you stand on your hands? nay, I break easy
-how old are you? 20 ;.; I wanna be a kid again
-What is the most interesting thing you've done today? cleaned and found a pretty sari I'm coveting. @.@;
-Do you ever find pictures in the clouds? not lately, looking at the clouds makes me agoraphobic T.T
-Do you remember your dreams? not lately, I just know that they're unsettling as of late =/
-Do you dream in color or black and white? color .. @.@
-Do you like flowers? I <3 flowers, especially yellow roses.
-What time is it where you are? 8:44
-Who are you with right now? my self =/ ryuu is in the livingroom.
-What was the last thing you read? Angela's Ashes, some artical on Witchvox
-Do you prefer reading or watching television? Reading .. watching TV makes me scared that the world will end. ;.; I'm paranoid about everything lately.
-What is your favorite forum? LI .. er .. Poll Guild .. Geisha Guild?
-What was the last forum you posted in? Errr poll guild of doom. xD
-Do you prefer shoes, sandals, or bare-feet? Bare feet =D
-What is the fourth letter of your state (or province)? "a"
-Witch color do you mostly type in? Black .. too lazy to change it.
-What is your favorite song? Poison Glen still @.@
-How do you like your hamburgers? Erm .. grilled chicken, tomatoe, lettus .. a little mayonaise .. ?
-Who is your favorite author? JRR Tolkien, Frank McCourt, Sigurd Undset, JK Rowling, Monica Furlong, Barbera Walker
-What toppings would you have on your pizza? Pineapple, pepperoni, chicken .. &3 lots of chezz. XD Thincrust plz? =D
-Whats the weather like outside? Dark and no clouds. Nice and cool.
-Why do you like Gaia? It's addictice, most people are nice, it's a good way to find other people who like the same things you do, and who doesn't larf pixelated avvies? =D
-How long have you been a member of Gaia? errr march of last year ^^;
-Do you like candles or electric lights better? I like candles .. but in the summer heat, I have to have air conditioning or I die. o_o
-Whats the most romantic setting? =D Errr ... In a deep forest glade .. whooo ..
-Whats your favorite sport to watch? ice skating, horse racing?
-Glasses, contacts, or neither? contacts
-What are you afraid of? Everything. ;_; Death, loosing a loved one, loosing my memories, going insane, going outside, atomic war, bird flu .. ;_;
-What pets do you have? 4 kitties, two birdies
-What are their names? Mr. Kitty, Momma Cat, Baby Cat, Smudge .. the two birds are just The Birds. xD
-Is there a pet you wish you had? I've always wanted a horse, or a big giant wolfhound. ;.;
-Which is your least favorite emotion? Depression, insanity, manicness ;.; .. feeling abandoned. Misery, hoplessness. >_X
-Would you rather play, or listen to music? I can't play any musical instrument .. ^^; I like to sing along though .. someday I'd like to learn how to do traditional Indian dances =D
-Do you have a messy room? Sort of. The bed is in all kinds of disarray. I think I will arrange everything in an orderly fashion before my meds cause me to pass out. XD
-What color is your hair? Err .. redish. I guess light reddish? I really wish I had dark hair like Neko. ;_; She has purday hair.
-What color are your eyes? Dark brown. Yeahz.
-Do you look anything like your avatar? Um .. xD maybe only superficially. Red hair, very pale, slightly evil looking?
-What are you currently saving up for in real life? Um .. =/ nothing at the moment. If I had a job I'd be saving up to pay next months rent. If I had a *GOOD* paying job I'd be saving up for a car.
-Have you ever played Neopets? A few years ago .. xD all my animals died, and I got bored of it pretty fast.
-How many cousins do you have? Errr .. let's see .. there's Raven .. LR, Dylan .. Christian, um .. Misty and Mandy .. @.@; xD I have more I just can't remember their names.
-What language do you want to learn? Bengali, Welsh, Japanese ..
-What is your least favorite food? Errr .. things with claws and eyeballs lunging out at me. That's just wrong. xD
-Do you wear hats often? x_x; Nevarrr. I look like a retard in a hat.
-Do you like to wear dresses? Yeah. =D But I feel like it has to be a formalish even to wear one. I wish I could wear sari's every day though. ;_;
-Have you ever seen the movie Pirates of the Caribbean? Yeah, a few times. It was okee. xD Contrary to popular opinion, I don't fancy Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp beyond their acting skills. While Mr. Depp is very good in that movie with his crazy mannerisms, Orlando was kinda .. eh. xD Let's all admit it together girls and boys, he's not THAT great of an actor. XD
-Have you ever seen a Broadway play? Nu. ;_; I've seen ballets before. ;.;
-What do you do most on Gaia? Pollwhore. Lurk in random forums and give people my random two cents. Roleplay if I can get the inspiration.
-Would you consider yourself a "dark" person? Um .. well I do think about death way more than your average bear .. but that's because I'm terrified of it. ^^;;; I don't wear gothicish makeup, and I'm often seen wearing pink, so nah, I'm not really goth. I like Gothic Lolita wear though. <3
-If you could change your name, what would it be? Suhaila. *nodnod*
-Do you have long or short hair? It's getting longer. ^^; I hope it grows out really long someday. ^_^
-Are your parents married or divorced? Divorcededed. Dad has been divorced like .. twice? Mum twice as well. o_O I don't believe in divorce. I think people should only get married if they're ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY SURE they'll always be together. And people would flame me for thinking that but divorce really sucks. =`/
-What are you allergic to? Some pollens. Eye makeup.
-Who is you favorite actress/actor? Isabella Rosellini. =D
-What is your sun sign? Aquarius.
-Your moon sign? Errrrr .. x_X Can't remember. Gemini I think.
-Chinese sign? As it turns out, I'm Tiger and not ox. XD
-Your religion if any? Hinduness.
-Your heritage? Err .. lesse .. Irish, Germanish, Frenchish, Indianish.. yeah I'm a mutt too. xD
-What is your dream career? I'd like to .. be a teacher. ^^;
-Whats your favorite Movie? LOTR. xD
-Color? Brown and green and red.
-Game? Errr .. =D dunno. Can't wait for Okami to come out though. I really love the Sims game. I wish I could get it. ;.;
-Band? Enyaaaaa
-Animal? Kitties and doggies. <3 And horses. And wolves .. and .. well everything. xD
-Person? My Celestin, meh neko, meh rorek, meh kyu, meh mammy, meh nana
-Season? autumn @.@
-Why are you doing this? 'Cause I'm bored. o.o
-What one thing on Gaia do you want the most? ^^;;;; A shiny avvie.
-How tall are you? 5'8
-what kind of computer do you have? Celestin's compuu is GOD. XD
 The Viscount · Thu Apr 27, 2006 @ 03:15am · 0 Comments |
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