"Why are you so far away? She said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in live with you?
That I'm in love with you?"
My playlist lately is as follows:
Space Oddity- David Bowie
Bedshaped- Keane
Just Like Heaven - The Cure
Glow- Alien Ant Farm
Coma White - Marilyn Manson
I hate the quote "Stick and stones will break my bones but words can never hurt me. " I admire whoever said that, they must be very strong. It's been observed and recorded, through media and experiences, that words KILL. People resort to violence, not just through actions, but a simple "Hey you, ********!"
I don't even know what to write anymore, I would go to xanga or livejournal but there's always someone there I have to think about when I put those thoughts carefully into words. What can I say without throwing out all my angst out there? What wouldn't they understand? What wouldn't they know? What wouldn't hurt them like it's hurting me?
I wish I can go up to Ian and tell him how much he breaks my heart, each and every day. It's not romantic, I can't feel any affections for him as a person anymore. But I want him to know how much he hurts me, how much a simple no had a wish behind it, to stop him from tormenting me verbally and physically. I wish he'd known how much I suffer, instead of demoralizing me as a human being, I wish. Funny how he lives to care about other people, but he got through me once and now I'm simply too easy and introverted for reality, it's simply "fun" to play with me. And because his feelings for me "died".
Ex boyfriends just aren't cut out to friends once you break it off. But we were friends first. Thought maybe there would at least be some remorse, some ******** respect. Apparently I hope in vain.
I miss Jon so incredibly much. Things has been tense for him, he's gonna test out of high school soon. If he doesn't succed, then it's 85 bucks down the drain, and he can't do that. Oh the pressure. i love him so much, and I know he loves me too, I can finally believe that now.
 astaticlullaby · Sun Feb 20, 2005 @ 09:22am · 0 Comments |
