I don't know what to do anymore...
I can't sleep at all.
Kai's looking peaceful right now.
I hate bothering her with my ******** problems.
She has her own,
She shouldn't have to worry about mine as well.
I don't understand anything.
How can he not trust me?
I've done nothing to lose it.
********,
Until today,
I hadn't seen Kai since Thanksgiving.
I had hardly even spoken with her.
God damn.
Why does everything have to be so hard.
I want to cry,
I feel like crying,
Yet I can't.
It's like I'm all out of tears.
Like my eyes have dried up.
Damn.
Damn damn damn damn damn.
I hate this all.
I need help.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know who to talk to.
I need someone...
No...
I want someone...
Isn't that what feelings are?
Want?
We never really need anything or anyone,
It's all want.
Why?
Because people are greedy bastards,
That's why.
I hate everything.
My beer's still sitting in the fridge.
I want to get it,
But Kai's on the edge of the bed.
I'd have to wake her in order to get it.
What's going on anymore?
The world is spinning and it's not going to slow down for one minute.
If only for a minute.
I just want time to stop for one minute.
Can we recover from this?
Can we really?
Can you really learn to trust me,
Even though you never really trusted me in the first place?
Is it right?
I mean,
We can't even have a conversation for two minutes,
Not without the strange silence that always happens.
I can't say if it would be like that in the summer as well.
I don't know if the plans are going to happen this summer.
Maybe not at all.
I'm going to go see Jesse and Christa,
Alone too.
They're great people.
I mean,
Jesse's like a brother to me.
Kai may come along.
It matters if she has school.
I think she does,
So I'm going alone if that's the case.
I don't care anymore.
I can ******** take care of myself.
I don't need someone there to be my bodyguard.
I'll have to tell Mike right away.
He'll be wondering about it.
I'll have to get a job too in order to pay for the ticket.
Unless I go home,
Get my licence,
And rent a car.
I wonder if that would be cheaper.
It might be.
I'd have to check.
"He either fears his fate too much,
Or his deserts are small,
That puts it not unto the touch
To win or lose it all"
~James Graham, Marquis of Montrose
 Kiarrii · Sat Jan 27, 2007 @ 08:34am · 1 Comments |
