• Scurrying into the cafeteria, I prayed I wouldn’t be too late. The lunch lines got long fast, and those high school boys ate like wild animals. Looking up, I had the misfortune to see him standing there, chatting happily with a pretty girl. With the way she kept tossing her hair around and fluttering her eyelashes when she laughed at his jokes, I felt sick. Sickly reminded of myself when I let myself think he loved me.
    Bile rising in my throat, I was tempted to storm over there and give him a piece of my mind. Let out all the built up pain and rage that he caused by giving him a thorough tongue lashing. Some other part of me wanted to flee from the sight, transfer to a new school and cry myself out there on some new, unbiased shoulder. Stranded in my confusion, I simply stood there, buffeted by the tide of students, stumbling to figure out what to do.
    The first thought that struck me was revenge. Make him hurt worse than I did when he dumped me for some other girl he’d been having an affair with. Have him spend sleepless nights wondering where he had gone wrong, and when he finally saw the error of his ways, let him come crawling back, begging for forgiveness. To make sure no girl would consider, not even for a heartbeat, going out with scum like him.
    Ruminating, I thought of my reactions every time I saw him in the halls. The way my heart would speed up and ache, the way I wanted to both beg for him to come back and to tell him to drop dead. Then I imagined that he was the one who would feel like his heart was caving in within his chest. Pleased, I plotted over how to go about this. Then it struck me: I’ve all ready lost. Judging by the way he smiled at that girl, his feelings for me keeled over ages ago. I couldn’t make his heart yearn for me no more than I could tear apart a mountain with my bare hands. I had no dirt on him, no allure, no shroud of wonder I could weave around him, no motive other than childish revenge.
    I couldn’t hurt him. Not ever. Like some sort of kryptonite, he was everything that hurt me, everything I couldn’t fight. There was no fight. Just a bitter taste in my mouth that made me want to scream.
    Turning slowly, I wound my way through the crowd, bending my thoughts to taking the long way to the pizza stand.