• It’s difficult to be strong when you know it’s your fault. You know why she’s crying and the reason is you. You want to say something and make things right again. When you open your mouth, nothing comes out right. You know she’s watching you. She’s standing like a perfect statue, looking at you, trying to understand why you did what you did. You open your mouth to say something again, but nothing comes out. An utter silence stricken between the two.

    You see her before you, trembling like a leaf in the wind, atop the tallest tree. A leaf of perfection perched on the highest point of an oak pedestal. The sight makes tears begin to well in your eyes. Those same salty tears that your porcelain doll should never have shed in the first place. Yes, you claimed her as your porcelain doll. Your angel. Your heaven. You kick yourself, mentally. You start to think why you said what you said. Why you didn’t say something better.

    You exchange glances between the two of you. The longer she stares at you the faster your heart pounds, like the Hammer of Thor himself. You manage to lock eyes with her. Though your mouth stays still, your mind is racing. You try to convey a message to her, from just looking into her eyes. Those deep pools you fell in love with. You begin to worry. She isn’t doing anything. You begin to wonder if she can read you anymore. Like a melting icicle, dangling from branch at the start of spring, you feel your heart start to melt. Drop by drop, your hope fades away.

    Your vision starts to blur. Your sight grows fuzzy as the tears begin to mount and spill forward. You move to take a step forward, but turn on your heel and face your back to her. You needn’t see her reaction. Her face and all possible angelic, expressions are burned into your mind. You hear her gasp slightly. You can picture her in your mind, her brows curled up in worry and bewilderment.

    She’s curious as to why you turned. She thinks you don’t want to see her anymore. She bites her bottom lip, deeply inhaling, trying to stop the crystal tears from rolling down her cheeks. A failing attempt. With every drop, her cheeks burn and sting.

    You can hear her breathing. An uneven pace. You turned your back because you didn’t want her to see you cry. A selfish and insensitive action. When the woman you love needs to see you hurt just as much as she does, you turn your back to her. You no longer feel like her knight, but a peasant unfit to even serve you porcelain Queen. You lift your head up to the skies and begin to take steady breaths, to calm yourself down. You turn to face her once more.

    The sight pains you. Her tears glisten in the sun. As you watch her, you feel your heart stop. It does not jump, no. It stops completely. You stare at your crying angel and furrow your brows. Your hands are balled into fists at your side.

    You begin to wonder how someone could have such an affect on you. How could one woman make you feel so loved, yet so hated at the same time? Why it feels so right it give into her every whim and yet ask for nothing in return but her love. Your racing mind stops in mid thought. You know what to say now. More importantly, you know how to say it.

    You take a step towards her and she watches you. She raises and eyebrow in confusion. Her tears have stopped, but she’s still nervous. You reach for her hand with a smile on your lips. She takes her hand away and grips at her heart. Your smile fades to oblivion. It’s your turn to look at her confused.

    You look into her memorizing eyes and plea to her. So connected, you two used to be. You keep her gaze, almost begging her to hear your silent cries. Yet, she stands as a heavenly statue before you.

    You never meant to hurt her. Your muted cries go unanswered as she stands in place. You lower your head; your eyes trail to the ground. You want to tell her. Your lips burn wit the fiery words. You steadily blink and make the tears fall to the ground. You watch in pain as the drops darken the sidewalk. You clamp your eyes shut and pray for it to rain, to mask your sorrow-filled tears.

    As you open your eyes, they glimpse at her feet coming into view. You dare not move. You feel a soft hand caress your cheek, urging you to look up. You lift your head, then your eyes. Your heart leaps as you see her in front of you. Her expression softened. She read you. She knows what you want to say. She wants to give you a chance.

    You stand there, stunned, tracing with your eyes a tiny smile the crosses her lips. You kick yourself again. She rules your heart. With every gesture, every word, every action, you are at her mercy.

    You finally manage to smile back to her. You reach up and take her hand from your face. She tenses, her smile disappearing. Yet she doesn’t look away. Nor should you. You stand your ground and gather your strength for her. You want to let her know you’re there for her. Your eyes lock with her and your grip tightens slightly, but she doesn’t wince. She moves closer to you. She can still read you.

    You close the distance between you both. She looks at you with furrowed brows, her mouth somewhat open. You part your lips. A smile begins to grow on her lips again. What if what you say isn’t what she wants to hear? You seal your lips and pull away. She turns her head and looks away from you. Her eyes are closed. She wants to shut you out and leave, but she clings to your hands. You’ve still got a chance to make everything right. Say it. Nothing good ever came from being quiet. You think, even if what comes out is stupid, at least it’s something.

    You take a deep breath. Your heart is beating like a drum in your ears. You look up to the skies again. She notices and watches you out of the corner of her amber eyes. As you lower your head, you catch a peek of her staring at you. Her ‘not-so-subtle’ glances still make you blush.

    You watch her intently and take in every inch of her. For after what you say to her, you may not ever see her again. You fear her. No, you fear losing her. You mind throws out whatever reasons to not tell her and your eyes focus on her and her alone. She feels how nervous you are. She gives your hands a quick squeeze for encouragement, though her eyes are still caste aside.

    You swallow hard and take another breath. You seem to love oxygen at this point. You smile at the thought, but she doesn’t see. You lean to her ear, gently holding her head still with your fingers tucked under her chin. These words cannot be misunderstood. Nothing will stop your from saying them and nothing will stop her from hearing them.

    You take your lips away and brace yourself for her response. You start to feel numb, thinking of the ways she could hate you. You could really lose her forever now. What’s said is said. You can’t rip the words out of her mind. You start to feel hot under the collar. You grow more anxious.

    She let’s go of your hand. You wonder if that’s a good sign. Of course not! She stands quietly. Her silence slices through your mind. Your eyes begin to beg her once again, this time to say something.

    She simply looks at you. Her eyes wide and her mouth slightly open. Her hands rest at her side. She looks away, closing her mouth. Her eyes are closed.

    You have lost her. You begin to scream at yourself in your mind. You should never have said it. You whip your head to the side, where she is no longer in sight. You stand still, numb. You should never have told her. You should have never uttered those three words. You should have never said I—

    She throws her arms around your neck, pulling your into a tight embrace. “I love you too.”