The 2 mysterious girls

• Artist: Jullialove
• Description: The two girls was with their love walking together and while that walk,strange things started to happen to the 2 girls
• Date: 10/17/2008
• Tags: the2mysteriousgirls

There is 2 girls name Jullia and Ayde.They are like sisters and they have crushes.Jullia likes a guy named Jose m. heart and Ayde likes a guy named Seaser.The 2 guys looked kinda the same.So sometimes they get mixed up. One day the 2 girls was walking together untill Jose M. came and he told Jullia to go on a walk with him. Ayde started smiling at Jullia and Seaser came to Ayde asking her out. There was lots of guys that liked Jullia and when Jose and Jullia were talking,Jullia X boyfriend came to jullia and grabbed her hand and walked fast foward.Jullia was very shocked because he was the one that broked up with him.Ayde was talking to seaser laughing with him and then she saw a little boy sitting on the groung crying. Ayde was giving him some bread that she was gonna eat at the picnic.Seaser was amazed and started to talk to that boy.The little boy started to whisper saying"I lost my mom"



TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!

Comments

[rilakkuuma]

Not like I expect you to automatically become a SUPER AWESOME FANTASTIC WRITER, but you need a lot of work . Your grammar needs work, and everything went by so fast . I think you should find someone that can help you with this . . . it's not that great .

[Twisted Black Roses]

Well... you have a story to tell... that's a start.
The style, however, could use some work. Paragraphs would be nice. Also, a LOT more detail is needed. I know nothing about the characters, where they are, their age, their personality, their appearance.
Ah,well. Keep working, anyway. Very rare for anyone to be a Shakespeare on their first few attempts.

[kurtainz]

it sucked. im sry but i've read/written better

[kovujackson]

ok please dont take this as rude but to be blunt your grammar and writing skills are lacking quite a lot.

thats not to say you shouldnt write though. i cant exactly see where you're heading with this plot but i do believe you have a story to tell and wish to do so.

my suggestion is: go to someone with a good history in english and ask for a little help.

or dont it's just a suggestion

[sparkle_shimmer13]

i think you have a really good idea going here and i can't wait to find out what happens next! keep writing no matter what anyone says!

[XxGods AssasinXx]

ok there r no guys who likes you and Wtf is Seaser?