• Something about this day reminds me of that story I read,
    the one about the fallen street light.
    The glass was everywhere,
    and by the time the children went out to play,
    parents had only just noticed.
    They were ignorant,
    much like us,
    and ran right through the glass
    to get to the tennis-shoes swung around the fallen pole.
    I never finished reading after that part,
    I didn't really understand .
    But now that I do,
    I can't find the book that contianed it
    after throwing it behind my dresser.


    The night I threw it against the wall was the night
    you called me crying
    because she broke your heart, like I said she would.
    Even after you broke your promise and ignored me for three days straight,
    I couldnt make myself upset you more.
    I didn't even realize I loved you until we had hung up,
    and I found that I would give anything to be able to ignore you
    just once.


    I remember one time we almost burnt down the house
    making pizza and forgetting it in the oven upstairs.
    I still think I smell it occasionally when I go into my kitchen.
    It always reminds me of how I almost kissed you in the basement that day
    because you wouldnt stop teasing me about that damned spider I screamed at.
    I can't stop laughing at the face you made when the smoke detector went off.
    I should have said it then.


    She called you back the day after that to appologize,
    we were riding our bikes to the grocery store to get milk for your mom.
    You never let us drive, and even hid my keys that one time in May.
    I remember your little brother found them in the fish tank,
    he didn't see them on the shelf and knocked them in.
    I still wonder if that's why the fish died.


    You let her mess with your head again.
    After I told you she was with him that night.
    You didnt listen, ignored the solid evidence.
    You even picked her up from that party
    when she was waisted, there with him,
    drove them both home so her parents wouldnt find out.
    I still wonder if thats's the night you chose the alcohol,
    so maybe you would need her too,
    you always wanted that.


    I knew you had a problem the night you called from the mall;
    they were threatening to kick you out,
    but you were too far out of it to drive.
    I'm glad you called that night,
    and I am sorry I screamed.
    Maybe if I hadnt, the next time you would have called
    instead of hitting that truck in the middle of the intersection
    two blocks from my house.


    They let me into your room a month after the wake.
    It doesnt feel like home anymore.
    You'd like to know that your drawings were still one the walls and everything.
    Even the inappropriate one behind the door
    you didn't want your mom to see.
    I found the box in your closet
    with all the papers and trading cards;
    including the letter you never gave me.
    I didn't know you wrote such cheesy lines,
    and that the book you gave me on my birthday with the story in it
    had a note one the last page
    saying how your really felt.


    I really can't find the book,
    and I've searched the entire house.
    I even looked in the basement,
    where I did find your missing cd,
    you may have left it down there that day we
    burnt the stove, got grounded for weeks,
    and decided neiter of us were moving away to become a famous chef,
    or leaving eachother at all,
    so much for that dream.
    I should have said it then.