• Dear diary,
    I got my fix today, took me a while to save up for it though. Guess my parents have figured out how get i save up for them, now it’s harder to find there money doesn’t mean they hid the jewellery that well though. Like taking candy from a baby, this is easier than convincing them I was clean that time all nothing but praise but they knew I wasn’t off the stuff.
    My fix it somehow smells so sweet and I’m going to try and make this one last a while to savour it, I need to make more money fast though I almost went crazy last time. Guess it was kind of like detox when I didn’t have any that month well except I didn’t have to drink my own urine.Some how the night seems more righter the stars shine more either It’s a beautiful site or it’s the drugs convincing me its going to stay that way if I keep on them.
    My mate zappa has been telling me that I should become a dealer so I can get benefits from both the money and the drugs that I would get in return. Zappa is probably right he always is he’s the one who got me my first fix, I can still remember it the calmness just taking over my body feeling no pain or hurt just this wonderful gentleness.He right it would benefit me more but what about the police I could get caught more easily, my parents they would disown me but they probably already did when my perfect brother came back. ‘Oh he’s so wonderful’ or ‘our beautiful son the doctor’
    they would chant whilst I the poor the poor sales representative just watches by and get told ‘why aren’t you like your brother’. Knock me down why don’t you don’t you ever wonder why I’m on this fix on the first place.I guess it could work me being a dealer I know where the good spots are for the addicts and I know how to get the drugs.

    Ya this could work really really well hmm I can get the money and lie and say I’ve been promoted to my family and they will praise me because I now earn more money and lavish them with expensive things. That will show them show my brother as well he can live in my shadow for a change. I’ve got nothing better to do because they fired me so I might as well, but I worry is this the same spiral I’m going down that’s killed so many before. It wont kill me believe me not much has.