• Disclaimer:I wish i owned Blue October. I wish I owned Hate Me. I wish I owned Star Wars the most.

    Author's Note: Hey guys, just a little thing that came up when I heard this song again after a loooong loooong time. This takes place in Anakin's head just before he takes over the temple and goes on his crazy rampage of doom. Slightly OC and Slightly AU =] Hope you guys like it!

    Oh and by the way I have a habbit of making Anakin feel guilty/Look like he's a screw up, sorry if that offends any of you =]

    “Hey Justin this is your mother. I was just calling to see how you where doing, you sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous and I just want to make sure you where really ok and wanted to make sure you where in check on your medications. You know I love you, see ya, buh-bye”

    “Anakin, it’s Obi-Wan. I just wanted to make sure you where alright, Rex told me you where injured during the last battle? He said it wasn’t too bad but still…….I’m coming over to check on you. Just……try to stay safe till I get there alright………you know…………..…you know meditating would help you clumsiness somewhat…though with your busy schedule I doubt you have time for that anymore………………….well then…………..…..I’ll see you soon. May The Force Be With You Anakin”

    I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head

    You left me a lot of messages like that during the clone wars. I never really bothered to listen to them through and through until a long time afterwards. I never really realized it back then, but it occurred to me only a few days ago that you left your base so many times just to check up on me for a minor injury. You would risk leaving your troops without a commander just to come and see me.

    Wow you care. The thought drives me absolutely crazy. Because I’m about to repay you by destroying your life. So I block it out.

    Think of something that you did that pissed me off. Find any excuse what so ever just so I don’t have to think of the fact that you care.


    They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed

    But no matter what they always come back. They always come crawling back into my head. And drive me ballistic. I took advantage of you Obi-Wan Kenobi, you took everything easy on me and the worst you ever did was lecture me. It never occurred to me that other masters often beat their padawan and did many things you wouldn’t even think of doing.


    Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone

    I remember all the times we had together. My memory’s getting a little rusty through all this madness but I remember everything that happened between us. And then suddenly I remember that it’s not us anymore.

    It’s just me now.


    Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

    Everything we’ve ever gone through together constantly runs through my head. Every time I think about what I’m about to do. And what I’m about to commit myself to, I think about us. I think about how there are so many things we haven’t said or done yet. And all chances of that will be demolished if I go on with what I’m about to do.

    I would trade anything in the world to get rid of that feeling.


    There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

    You’ve completely burned a hole through my pride.

    I thought I was so great. And then you came along and found something that was wrong. Up until now I thought you where just doing it for the sake of putting me down. Now I know that you did all of it so I could be so great.

    It makes me feel strange. Like I’m thinking about everything too hard.


    An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?

    It must have been a pain every time you called and tried to give me advice or show me any type of concern in your weird Obi-Wan way, and I took it the wrong way and retorted with some stupid insulting comment about how you’re treating me like a kid.

    I never realized how god damned hard it is for a man to express love and concern until I became one.

    Unfortunately that was only a few weeks ago.


    And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?

    I never knew till a few days ago that you just corrected me in that wise almighty Obi-Wan voice of yours (yeah that one that’s warning and yet humorous at the same time, you know what I’m talking about Kenobi) cause you where afraid. You where afraid I would hurt myself (because I had a bad habit of doing that a lot. That was one of the things that scared you shitless wasn’t it? Seeing me injured?) And you where afraid because you loved me.

    And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space


    Now, standing here today I wish you didn’t care for me so much Obi-Wan Kenobi.

    Because it kills me on the inside watching my brother get hurt in such a painful way.


    Hate me today

    I wish you didn’t care so much about me. Then it would hurt you less when I did all that stuff to you.

    I wish you would hate me.

    I wish you would hate me today.

    Hate me tomorrow

    And I wish you would hate me tomorrow. So it won’t hurt you when I do what I’m about to do.

    Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you


    I wish you would hate me forever so what I’m about to do won’t scar you like it will scar me.

    I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with

    I remember the one thing that you always hated was that I was constantly in a horrible mood. I was constantly depressed or pissed off and I never told you why. You always asked me if I wanted to talk or not. You never pressured me towards one or the other. Just asked.
    And I said no a lot but every time I did say yes it made me feel better.

    It helped me express myself. That’s something you taught me to do very well.

    The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
    I remember the one thing that always tore us apart was that I was always so rash. I did everything in such a hurry and you usually ended up paying for it.

    I swear I will never do anything rash ever again. It’s why I’m giving this decision so much thought.

    In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night

    But no matter what I did, or how stupid I acted the one thing I will never forget is having nightmares. Every single time I awoke from a nightmare, you would always be there. Up until I was almost 15 I would wake up and the first thing I would see is your concerned face staring down at me, a hand in my hair. And then somewhere around 16 I think you sensed this one time that I was uncomfortable that you came into my room after a nightmare. From then on you just stood at the door, leaning against the doorframe until I went back to sleep. No matter what, waking up to you there gave me a sense of…..how do you say………………..security.


    While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

    While I was busy dealing with whatever teenage issues I had that I don’t even remember anymore, you tried to comfort me.

    Tried.

    I say tried because I never let you.


    You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate

    In your attempts to comfort you never said anything against me. You never tried to beat the reality into me like a lot of other people did.

    Funny how I listened to them and not you.

    You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take

    I never really was the modest type. You on the other hand would always go around telling the council and all your friends stories about our missions.

    Except in your versions of the stories it would be “And then Anakin single-handedly pulled and unconscious me and the youngling out of the burning building….” Instead of the truth which would have gone something like “And then Obi-Wan single-handedly pulled an unconscious me and the youngling out of the burning building”

    So I'll drive so f***ing far away that I never cross your mind

    It must have hurt you a lot to deal with the things I gave you after you did all that for me. So I’ll leave you alone for the rest of your life. In minutes I’ll be so far away you’ll never think of me ever again.

    And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind


    I’ll be so far that you’ll have no choice but to forget me and all the pain I ever caused you.


    Hate me today

    It would do you best Obi-Wan, if you just forgot me. Because all I’ve ever done for you is cause you pain.

    Hate me today Obi-Wan


    Hate me tomorrow

    I threw pain at you and you threw concern back at me a thousand fold. Concern I was too blind to see back then. But now it’s too late.

    And there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it anymore.

    So hate me tomorrow.


    Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

    As hard as I tried I couldn’t be the ideal friend, the ideal padawan or brother.

    I couldn’t do anything for you.

    And for that you should hate me forever.


    Hate me in ways

    As much as it seems I didn’t I did try. Except my efforts where so terrible it made it seem as though I was trying to do the opposite.


    Yeah ways hard to swallow

    Do things that where more than punishable. Just that you let me get away with all of it.

    You should have punished me back then.

    When you had the chance.


    Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

    You should have brought me in line. But you did the exact opposite. You cared. And it killed you inside but you still cared.

    And every action has an opposite reaction right?

    So instead of caring maybe if you hated…..

    And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
    Do you remember when I was 15 I ran away once? It was the night you and I returned from a specifically tiring mission. You where very much in a deep sleep, when I decided that I wasn’t being appreciated enough. And that I wasn’t good enough to be under your tutelage. So I spoke a few words to you while you where asleep and ran off.


    Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made

    While I roamed the undergrounds of Coroscant part of me wanted to open up our bond, and see how you where feeling. See if you noticed I was missing.


    And like a baby boy I never was a man

    Force I was such a kid back then. I actually ran away from the Jedi Temple, feeling unappreciated and under confident. The thought makes me want to crack up now.


    Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands

    And soon enough, true to my character, I got in trouble with the people of that part of Coroscant. Thugs.

    And just when I thought I was finished you came along. It’s like you knew exactly when I needed saving and where I was needing it.

    I never noticed until years later that upon seeing me injured and broken that way, there where tears in your eyes.

    And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"

    I was young and foolish. I only thought of my own pain. I just wanted to curl up in your arms because it would take away the pain.

    Not because you where my master, or because you offered me comfort. Solely because it would benefit me.

    That’s all I ever really did care about, what would benefit me and me only. Even now I think that way.

    Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be

    But now I realize from that day on, every time I did something wrong I killed you a little bit on the inside. Because from that day on you blamed yourself for everything I did. That’s why you went to the council and after a 3 hour long meeting, convinced them to let me stay in the order….even after running away. You should have just let me go then. It would have saved you a hell of a load of pain and suffering. And many, many tears.

    And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"


    But I didn’t know how much pain my running away caused you back then. When we returned home I expected to be yelled at for running away like that. But instead all you said to me was “How could you do that to me Anakin?”

    And all I said before stalking off to my room was “It was much easier than you would think.”

    Hate me today

    I’m such a terrible person Obi-Wan. And you know it.

    So why is it that you never do anything about it?

    Hate me tomorrow

    Your attachment to me has become your weakness. Not good.

    Aren’t you the one always lecturing me about attachments?

    Shame, you would betray all your morals for me…..

    Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

    Shame, you would give so much for a fool who is about to make the utmost terrible decision of his life.

    A fool who has done nothing for you. Nothing.

    Hate me in ways

    Go ahead Obi-Wan. Hate me. You did it when Qui-Gon first picked me up so you can definitely do it again.

    Yeah ways hard to swallow

    Ponder upon what would have happened if Qui-Gon had left me with Watto, and how much better your life would be if he had.

    And then hate me.


    Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

    Go on and hate me. Hate me for all I have done, for all I do, and for all that I will do.

    Hate me.

    Hate Me So You Can Finally See What’s Good For You, My Brother.

    ~Fin

    Soooo what'd ya think? lol I really like the idea of this and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it!

    And please excuse any spelling errors or grammatical errors, for it is 2:30 am and I am half dead XD


    Comment and The Force Will Be With You =]