• I remember that time I counted 105 cars go by.
    I remember I was sitting on the bench at the park around your house.
    I remember greeting you and crying in your bedroom whilst you held me in your arms.
    I'm not sure you understood my situation but I was happy in that moment nevertheless.
    (I remember seeing a 'Fall Out Boy' poster in the corner of my eye and I remember my inner fangirl gwee-ing at that thought whee )
    But after I left you I sat on the bench at the park on the corner of your street and I just sat there, suffering alone whilst I contemplated whether or not I should go back home or back to where you were. But then I decided I had to count one hundred cars before going anywhere near your house.
    So I just sat the in the dark counting cars.
    I watched the cars come and go, I saw the people enter and leave the milk bar.
    It took me until approximately the 69th car to realise that it was cold.
    Around the 72nd car I think I recall seeing bats and I remember thinking that they sounded weird.
    I remember hiding in the dark and worrying that I'd be found.
    I vaguely remember thinking other irrelevant thoughts, only between car 69 to car 100, but all that is a hazy memory.
    I remember after finally counting 100 cars go by (although I may or may not've cheated/briefly lost count) I went and sat outside your house.
    I sat with my back to the gate and contemplated whether I should knock again. So I sat there, just for a little while more.
    Whilst I sat there I saw some local residents go out for a walk and eventually come back. I think they may have asked if I was okay. I may or may not've said that I was either okay or waiting for someone.
    After watching 5 or so cars pass by that quiet street, I decided I wanted to get up and knock again. I did and it failed so I just lay there in front of the door instead.
    Suddenly the lyrics from particular song echoed in my head,
    " 'Cause you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with
    And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances
    I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming
    She said, she said, she said, 'Why don't you just drop dead?'     "
    It seemed a tad bit relevant at the time.
    Eventually I decided to just go lie down on the front lawn. Not a smart idea.
    Then again... Running away, becoming limerent, and counting 105+ cars weren't really good ideas either.
    So eventually I was found, but not after lying on the lawn had made my legs almost go numb.
    I recall it being Autumn or Winter when this happened.
    I remember all of this somewhat vividly and yet...
    It's not that I want forget that event (but I'm not that enthusiastic on remembering either) but I...
    One part of me want to forget you. Or at least forget the feelings I have towards you; forget how happy you made me even when you never put any effort.
    Because I'm conflicted.
    I want you to be happy.
    But I also want you to be mine.
    And it hurts to argue with myself.

    The most vivid memory from that miserable event, that dreadful night, is that I remember that I love you.