• I looked down into my usual morning coffee, swirling the spoon around and around inside the dense liquid. I watched openly fascinated, as a tornado appeared, a deep black hole leading down the centre toward the end of the cup. Was this what my life had become? A metaphoric tornado, circling a heart that was just a black hole? I lifted the spoon to my mouth, and cautiously as not to scold myself, licked the froth away. It tasted bitter, and not as alcohol induced as i would have preferred. Lifting the renewed bottle of vodka from the wooden table in front of me, i poured a hefty amount into my mug. Once again placing the metal tea spoon within the increased liquid i gave it another stir, then once again raised it to my mouth and trailed. Much better.
    I start as my roommate Bonnie enters the kitchen and turns on the light. Apparently it seems I’m not the only one who has been paid an unexpected surprise.
    “Jesus, you didn’t half give me a fright! It’s 3am! What the blooming hell are you doing sitting here?” Bonnie eyed me suspiciously as slowly, she shuffled her feet toward the fridge. I don’t know what it was about Bonnie, but whenever i was around her i felt warm. Maybe it was her sharp, Scottish accent or those inviting arms i knew all too well, but whenever she was around i always felt a calm peace that no one else could ever bring to me. Sensing my grim mood, Bonnie quickly changed from her childish banter to fierce concern.
    “Surely not another sleepless night?” she asked. Her back was toward me as she sluggishly poured herself a glass of orange juice, but i didn’t need to see her face to know how she was feeling. Her voice said it all. I didn’t respond to her question. The bags under my eyes were answer enough, and i was afraid if i spoke my words may slur, and as much as i didn’t like to admit it, i felt ashamed. Grabbing her glass of juice, and returning the cartoon to the fridge on the way, Bonnie came to sit at the table with me. Her eyes fell onto the bottle of vodka placed before me. The evidence of my crimes were there, laid right out before me. If it had been a court case i would have been charged no doubt, but this wasn’t a trail. It was the obvious disappointment and lost hope of a dear friend, and knowing that i was causing her so much pain was worse than being sentenced to death by a team of jurists. She rose from her chair, and leaving her glass behind raced from the room. She vanished through the kitchen doors, but not before i noticed the gleam of a tear running down her cheek. Seconds later i heard her heavy footsteps on the dorm stairs, and then everything was silent. I was alone again in the artificially lit kitchen. A dull ache started to form at the back of my head as the bright light continued to bore into my eyes. Closing my eyelids to partially protect myself, i made a silent wish that Bonnie had flicked the switch as she left. Suddenly the soft glow that filtered through my lids began to flicker, and then it went black. I opened my eyes startled to see that the bulb had blown. The only thing illuminating the gothic appearing kitchen now was the soft shine of the full moon outside. It filtered down from the sky, slipped through the glass pane above the sink and fell around my silhouette. I sighed, exasperated to realise the absence of light had done little to help cure my headache, but i knew something that would. Rising steadily from my chair, i made my way toward the medicine cabinet placed high on the wall. I opened the door, careful not to let it creak, and took down a small box from inside. Checking the products label and direction instructions, i headed back towards the table. Opening the box and popping two tablets from the pack, i regarded the alcohol curiously. Throwing the tablets into my mouth, i unscrewed the cap to the bottle and took several large swigs to help wash them down with. Wincing, i slammed the vodka down. The thought of Bonnie coming in and seeing the truth to my real nature before her made me cringe. I was an ignorant little girl messing with matters that were too old for me to comprehend. What i was doing to myself could only lead to problems in the future, but i was willing to deal with that. Without my ‘escapes methods’ i wasn’t even sure there would be a future for myself. Bent over with my hands on the table, i stayed, breathing heavily, until i lost track of time. Eventually, the morning rays of an early sunshine began to colour the horizon. I sank to the floor, lying curled into a ball and let my mind wander to wherever it felt like going. Finally it came to a sort of peace, not sleep exactly, but more of a final resting place; a deep memory hidden inside my conscious, half forgotten. I tried to poke at it with a lazy curiousness, but it slapped back at me, causing me to jolt awake. My focus whipped around, my mind confused and lost. I was in the arms of a hidden figure, as they gently carried me up the stairs towards my bed. Something tugged at the back of my mind, something that i had to hide...THE ALCOHOL! I began to squirm around, trying to break the firm, but nurturing hold those arms had around my body.
    “Sh, its okay, you’re safe,” it murmured, so close to my ear i could feel the warm, damp humidity of the breath.
    “No, no, no. You don’t understand,” i whimpered, trying uselessly to break free. My carrier shook off my feeble attempts at freedom, inside leaning in close and planting a kiss onto my forehead. Immediately i began to succumb to a deep slumber.
    “It’s all taken care of. There’s no need to worry, just concentrate on getting some rest. Good night, and sleep well,” i heard as my mind dove deeper into the recess of sleep. A smile of pure content pulled at my lips, and i relaxed and finally fell completely asleep for the first time that week.