• heartbreak i don't know what it is about me.
    but i couldn't wait to go through this
    the pain,the suffering,the wondering of what
    it would be like to have your heart
    riped out and feel so lost that
    you don't know what to do.
    i guess i've always be attracted to pain...
    maybe...that's why i broke up with him
    i know it wasn't anything he did or
    trying to get closer to God.
    who the hell was i kidding when i
    came up with those stupid excues
    i was happy with him and i just couldn't
    let it be.
    i can never let things be.
    i always have to screw up things.
    i don't know why
    i guess i think i know, i don't derserve
    to be happy.
    and out of every pain,suffering i've
    been through
    this one
    it was the one i could control.
    the one i could grasp.
    the i could stop from happening.
    i broke my own heart.
    and i know that breaking up with him
    was the biggest worst most horriable
    mistake regret that it i've ever done.
    because i was happy with him.
    i know that i was finally okay.
    but i broke it off because i was
    scared to be happy.
    so now i'm back in this horriable
    painful state.
    and i can't get out.
    it's like i'm being buried alive and
    i can't get out.i can't stop it.
    i loved him.
    i finally loved someone.
    i finally found someone that i'd do
    anything for.
    i finally let someone in and trusted
    them.
    and i let go of all of that because
    i couldn't be happy.
    because i was scared to be.
    because i don't think i derserve
    to be happy.
    my secert is at the age of 6-8 my world
    crashed down.
    i lost my childhood and i can't let it go.
    i can't get over it and ever since it happen
    i've been screwed up and i can i amit that.
    and since all that happen i feel like i don't derseve a
    thing.
    and i know for a fact that i'll never
    let anyone in again because of my stupid mistake.
    so to me the worst pain you can
    fell is not abuse of any kind
    not injury you cause
    not even heartache that
    someone else causes.
    because i've been through all of that and the worst
    most horriable pain that i've been through
    is the heartache that i've caused myself
    because with that heartache you can't blame anyone
    but yourself
    and i've learned
    i can't trust myself.
    i'll never listen to my heart.
    and i don't know if i'll ever be okay again.