• I'm dumb. Not the absent-minded dumb or "Hahaha wow, you just did a dumb thing" dumb, but the dull, dreary, not smart kind of dumb. It pains me to admit it, but it's true.

    I hate it. I don't have the motivation to do anything to change it, either, because I'm dumb. It's a loop I can't get out of. Can't go to college cause you're a bad student and it'll be waste of money and you don't really care about money and besides you don't need college anyways, tons of people get by without it and minimalism is the best way to live and hey, wait a second, those are all just excuses not to go, not reasons you can't and you can't go to college because you're a bad student, that ain't no excuse that's true and so on and so forth.

    I'm a person on one of those college commercials. You know, where they're like "I can't go to school because I don't have any money, I don't have any money because I can't find a job, I can't find a job because I didn't go to school." Only their reasons are physical, whilst mine is mental.

    Besides, I don't really want my life to be career-based. I want to adventure. Explore. See new ****, do new ****, eat new ****.

    Can't do that either, though, too shy.

    I want to do something creative, but I'm too dumb to think up anything new. I can't think of any new ideas for a story or an RP or a drawing or anything because I'm dumb. Looking back, I've always been dumb; most of the time I just copied other people's ideas and tweaked them slightly, anyways.

    I hate you. You smart people. I read your blogs and hang out with you and date you for 15 months (and counting~ <3) I'm angry with you because I'm not one of you. I'm slightly below your level. Not quite smart. Maybe not dumb, but not smart. Average, at best. Yeah, that seems fair. Generous, but fair. I'm of an average intelligence. I guess that because I surround myself with smart people I feel dumb.

    But I still hate you. I hate your goals, because I have none. I hate your college, because I'm afraid to go to one. I'm afraid of your artwork, because that's all I want to do, and I know I'm not as good as you, and there's no point in perusing a career in art when you know you're not the best from the get-go and that there're other people out there more talented than you with more practice. Why? Why you? Why can't I be you?

    Why?

    Why do you keep trudging on? Why? I don't get it, can you explain? Please? Why do you want to be a math teacher? So you can brainwash children into thinking that they need to go to school to succeed in life, while in reality you're just making them terrified of going into life without a college degree and scaring them into going to college so the universities just make more and more money with their already bloated costs? So they get richer and richer? Why the **** do you need to pay $30 to apply? "Yes, I'd like to possibly give you roughly two-hundred grand to go to your school, here's $30 because you must be cash-strapped." Why is it so expensive? Why can't it be like Europe, where it's government run and free? Ooooh right, it's a status thing.

    Why can't I conform and just go?

    Why am I so terrified of it? Why don't I want to go to school for art? Because it's a gamble, that's why. You don't know how it'll turn out. I don't want to be paying off ridiculous student loans for the rest of your life, and I don't want to give in to the college's bullying. If everyone could see as I see and just didn't apply to college, they'd HAVE to lower their prices. They would have to.

    Why don't I tell people this? Can't, too shy.

    Why art? Because art is the one thing that matters. Art is human. Art is the truest form of communication. Art is what makes us human. Math just complicates things, science too. Live simply. That's all I ever wanted. A small, quite house somewhere in the middle of no where. Just enough for me and my family. A wife, two kids. No more. My girlfriend wants 5, but I say that's retarded. Overpopulation will destroy us. I can't communicate why, but I know it will. Feel it in my bones. I don't like cities, and I don't want the world to be a city. If everyone has kids like she wants, then bam, world is a city.

    Why did I spend $50 on Godzilla movies last week? Because I'm dumb.

    I'm dumb.