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Jasmine was the kind of girl everyone liked, but only a couple could love. Modest, caring, and somewhat of an extrovert, she's the girl I've always loved. Aside from her current boyfriend—who I've come to like as well—Jasmine has one major flaw. She's a saint and her twin sister, Gianna, is the witch. Both share their family's hereditary talent: good looks. Crisp, golden hair, soft eyes, and a charming smile brighten even the darkest of days.
But Jasmine's different. She has music as another talent, and knows well enough that a fabulous appearance won't support her in the future. Gianna floats above life while others try to get over her nasty attitude. She may hide behind a facade of angel-like behaviors, but one wrong word to her and you're better off feeding a gremlin after midnight.
And we can't forget her reason for everything: "Who cares? More people like me and my dad has money." Jasmine refuses the lavish gifts from her father, and wants people to love her for her, not her looks.
Now when I see her face, I feel myself overflow with ire. I can only think of the disguised devil that is Gianna. Their looks are the same, and I fear that one day, I may snap and yell at the wrong one. Jasmine's going to make me go mad, as if Gianna alerady hasn't.
- by Cyrus The Keeper |
- Non Fiction
- | Submitted on 09/01/2012 |
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- Title: Just a Writing Exercise
- Artist: Cyrus The Keeper
- Description: I was given a Writing Exercise involving me to create a character with the traits of a person I love, and the appearance of one I could live without. I decided to post it.
- Date: 09/01/2012
- Tags: writing exercise
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Comments (1 Comments)
- LoudmouthedTasi - 11/19/2012
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Remember, a good rule of thumb when describing a character is to 'show, don't tell'.
How is Jasmine "modest, caring, and extroverted"? Sure, these are wonderful qualities, but we, the audience, have all the reason to think you're just lovesick, ha ha.
Give us specific examples of how she's this wonderful girl. As it is, I find Gianna has more potential as an actual literary character, though both could use work.
Still, coherent and well organized. 3/5. Keep writing! - Report As Spam