Senses of a Bird

• Artist: Misheru Kuro
• Description: ever imagined what it must be like to fly
• Date: 07/15/2008
• Tags: birds senses flight

Can you feel it?

The cool breeze that ruffles my feathers
The smooth action of it
gliding beneath me

Can you hear it?
The sigh of joy as I'm lifted in flight
The songs of life that fill the sky

Do you see it?
That silver lining that's sparkling in the clouds

Can you taste it?
The moisture, as it condenses into rain
The cold clean drops, as I catch them on my tongue

Can you smell it?
The freedom in the wind
The scent of lands I've yet to glimpse

If you can, if you do,
Then you can join my flock,
And we can surf the currents of air,
To see the world together.

Comments

[Atheshya]

I like this. It captures the essense of a bird very nicely, even if there are some minor flawas as others have noticed. I'll go ahead and give this four stars.

[Rasabon]

I agree with Andessa that you should change the line "Do you see it?" to another "Can you see it?" I disagree about removing the punctuation. Punctuation is necessary when we read, to tell our brains how to read it. Removing the question mark because it's obviously a question is a bad idea, because the reason we see it and know it's a question is because we see the proper punctuation. But do remove the space between the words and the question mark. It's jarring.

I'm not sure abo

[Andessa]

I like the words, but your pattern is thrown off when you start with "Do you see it?" on the 4th stanza, keep it consistent with "can you ..." also, I don't think you need to have the "?" at the end of the stanzas because you can already tell it's a question without the "?", especially in a poem...otherwise, I think this is a good piece

[Flaming_Evil]

This could be made into a song!