Time stood still

• Artist: Promotor27
• Description: I started writing this when my mother had me waiting for her at Ross for over 4 hours. I noticed my watch was totally still for just a second as I was waiting for her to show up. She finally showed up at litterally the last possable minute. Later that night she got a DUI after dropping me off. and I finished writing this over the next 2 days.
  
  Thursday, July 10, 2008
• Date: 07/25/2008
• Tags: time love family negelect second

Just for a second time stood still my mind's racing and sickening thoughts made ill the love that is unconditional lays in ruins cries and calls for affection fall on deaf ears then the day came when we became the same balance was made in the dark of night with hopes high that we will both see the light my wishes may come true sometime somewhat soon the things I hoped beyond hope would someday happen just might be so with time stopped or just slow the second time stood still I knew something was different than the same old same sums for just a second to feel like a day to finally have removed so much dismay just as we enter in a second we leave the same way for when time stands still it is only for a second the instant which the hands stand still but nothing has really stopped I may not see it pass but I know it will as once before go on everything behind what I can see has not stopped and I know everything is still in motion, but just for a second time stood still.

Comments

[flutteringeyelashes]

I'm not sure how i feel about this one - I tried reading it, but couldn't make much sense of it, but I like it, cuz I think I'm just being weird, not being able to read it. There are some good parts I do get, and I like the hidden rhymature. And yes, I know that's not a word. That makes it better.

[The One and Only Deli]

That was the best piece I've seen in this arena thus far. I actually thought it was perfect without breaks; somewhat amplifies the stopped sense of the poem. The tiny inward rhyme scheme and little hints of alteration were perfect. Keep up the good work; this is going in my favorites.

[Promotor27]

I left no punctuation, because when I wrote it on paper it was just a free write. I thought about adding the breaks in, but it seemed to take from the over writing and the style. I have written a few different poems with no breaks with mixed results.

[Monblanc]

It makes total sense, and I can sort of relate to the overall meaning of it, but I think it lost a bit of its meaning by not having any sort of punctuations, or pauses... The way it was put up looks like it's supposed to be read all in one breath, and I had to read it a couple times to figure out where it stopped and started.
Maybe that's a part of the writing, I don't know, but nicely done. 3nodding

[w i l d a n a r c h y]

your a good writer i thought that was cool in a way