Surrender to the Dark

• Artist: Graceling Katsa
• Description: This is what happened to me when I was reading the part in New Moon when Edward left Bella T.T That made me cry and then I just started writing. This is my first poem ever so I welcome all critique.
  
• Date: 07/25/2008
• Tags: surrender dark bella edward twilight

My heart has been taken from me
And now I lay here bleeding from the pain
Bleeding from the hatred
Which has bred from you leaving me
I still don't get why you did it

My skin pales
And my eyes lose all life
As my body shuts down
It too has given up on me
Just like you

Everything is fading away
My memories, my happiness
You took them all away
When you took my heart
And left me here to die
Alone, cold, unloved

I decide my fate and my future
I shut my eyes in utter defeat
I exhale one last time
And refuse to take another breath
You did this to me
But you will never see
That you were the one to end my life
For the lamb cannot live
Without the lion

Comments

[Fo-eights Beach Fo-eights]

The poem really leaps around, there's no rhythm or flow to it.
It's still good for your first poem, but rhythm and flow, a poem needs it.
=)

[Burnt Lemonade]

Yeah. It made me cry. I was at school. I got strange looks. but it was worth it. I couldn't live without it. I'm a Stephenie Meyer Addict. Your poem was amasing. Check out mine, Please, Peering Into My Soul.

[xXxdork_muffinxXx]

awww i love it!! that part made me cry 2!! T.T

[fakeme4ever]

i cyred in new moon like the whole way through and it saw embarsing cuz i was at school so i totaly get you good job love it

[monkey_bubbles_1995]

its so good!!!!! i loved it

[Graceling Katsa]

Thanks, but that wasn't really critique, was it?

[Chiasa-ayano]

Wow, that was really well done for your first time. Plus, I love Bella and Edward so this was even better!