• I sit alone in my room with everything but despite of the way my life has rolled out before me ,
    Starting a new school where not even the simplest rule of real life applies , I have left with no friends at a new school. The Girl i loved most in my life can not stand liveing father away , and left.Writing poetry shows no sign of improvement in emotions or signs of good to come.
    My Parents divorced and mother remarried , starting a family of her own with a new baby and my father gone for work for weeks at a time and leaves ever nite to a bar to meet women. my grandmother forced to live with us being recently widowed from a loss of my grandfather dieing in a heart attack .I have no wat of creating a way out ,a way to forget it all and live . It seems like i await my early 20's to Move out and start my real life,to have a ruteen a way that i can bare to live through the next day without the thought of haveing to go through my family.I have lost my only role model for another 4 years for he joined the marines and will be in japan till 2014.
    I have been under no control , the people im around see me as the adult i wish to be and assume i dont need them ,but i need them ....i need them to help me up....make sure im always alright and just ask me if im ok every once in a while . i wish i could skip till my adult years.being young for me isnt as great as everyone makes it sound....going out and playing isnt fun alone , exersizing isnt easy with no running shoes.I cant enjoy childhood without people there for me when i need them even tho i so desperatly want to be and adult and leave them behind i want to have people there helping me ,holding me up till i can reach what i want to have in my life ,friends,friends are what i want , i want to be an adult with a normal life , a wife i love and a job that keeps me buisy when i have nothing to do , and friends that i can laugh with and have fun with it seems impossible to reach that without friends but i dont want friends yet....i want to study hard and become what i need to get friends and the life i want but how do i get friends without loseing my friends for what i really want in the future ...friends , its almost redundant but i think to myself if im older and have no friends i wont have to think about how good childhood was , i can enjoy my life and not have to think back when i could be doing it then , but then i wont have any friends now i wont be able to make it to what i need without them .... i am no more than 14 years old