Mirror, Mirror

• Artist: Sakura Haruno cutiecat
• Description: COMMENT AND VOTE!!!! One of the main reasons I post poetry on Gaia is to get other peoples feed back. I want to become a better writer so please take a minute or to after you read this and tell me what you think. If you don't like it that's fine but tell me why? instead of just giving me a low rating please!
  ~Thanks in advance Sakura~
• Date: 09/11/2012
• Tags: truth lies

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is the most hated of them all?
The one who closes themselves off from possibility
Or the person who shines a flame on the truth, though bitterly
Mirror, mirror answer back
What is this, a crack?
Who now will tell us the truth without clouded vision?
What will become of us, will we face off or come to a collision?
Mirror, Mirror as you crash down the wall
I hope you enjoy your fall

Comments

[Eretico]

I like the rhyme a lot, and it's very dark in a good way. It's a bit awkward in numerous places due to the varying length on the lines ("Who will now tell us the truth without clouded vision/What will become of us, will we face off or come to a collision" wink . Just try beng a little less verbose, and write less in each line, and if you can get the length of the lines to match each other reasonably, it will sound much better. 4/5

[Theredshadowknight]

One day i will see a poem that doesnt make me sad or one that isnt cruel