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So there was our hero, about to be...brutally murdered. But, just in the nick of time...as our hero reaches down to grab a penny, he barely misses Tom Cruise's chainsaw. Our hero then turns around, and sees Tom with a chainsaw. "What...the...f-* Our hero cuts his own sentence off to run from Tom Cruise, as he dashed after our hero with his chainsaw. Our hero eventually got away, and hid in a bush. "Darn Cruise...nobody makes me cut off my own speech." Our hero then had an excellent plan. Our hero dived out of the bush, and then started making a lot of noise, to alert Tom Cruise to his location. "Oh Mr. Cruise...Where are you?" "Right here..." Tom cruise responded with an evil smile on his face. Tom then rushed straight for our hero, but alas...Our hero was triumphant once again! Our hero summoned his pet Grue, Carl, into battle! "Now, eat Tom Cruise, Carl!" And as the
Grue, Carl, went to eat Cruise, Tom threw his Pokeballs...and released his Pokemans! "So i herd u liek teh mudkipz to b ur diwnfoll, de fenk somorAi! i will pwnzerz u1111!!11 all ur base r belong to me111!!11! hahahaha!" *Cough Cough* But nevertheless, our hero was prevalent, because he called Chuck Norris to the fight! Together, Our Hero, Chuck Norris, and Carl, the Grue, completely beat the snot out of teh Mudkipzorz! And then, just as our hero was about to administer justice to Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise escaped with his witchcraft UFO! "I'll be back, Mr. Samurai! And when I do...Scientologists will rule the world! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" , is what Tom's voice echoed.
Later...Chuck went back to his mansion, and Carl, the Grue went back to sleep. And then our hero went back to his house...and ate a delicious, well-deserved cherry pie! And then he read the news...and went to sleep. And...then...you don't want to know what happens next, in the middle of the night.
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Wait for our next issue, when our hero fights the Real Slim Shady!

















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*You hear strange splattering noises coming from the bathroom*
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See?! I told you that you don't want to see (Or hear) what happens next!
(But you do in the next issue!)