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<center> Jesus of Suburbia
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gonk I made my chocolate milk to chocolatey....it tastes teh icky now...but I'ma still drink it. Just got outta school so I'm feignin~ whee
I ate some pickles, a strawberry shortcake, drinkin my chocolate milk and soon to consume some ramen noodels heart My breath tastes bad so I know it smells horrible. My friends in school joke I'm the only girl who will admit their breath stinks. 3nodding Shiz...I aint got nothin to hide or be ashamed of, but when I ask for gum I want them to know why I am. wink
After this though, no more foods. 3nodding
I mean, not no more...just...oy, I mean...well, ok, basically I think I weigh to much. 3nodding The doctor says for my age, body type, blah-blah-blah, I am perfectly normal. I still look fat in my own eyes...Greg called it thick, but I dunno what that means either. sweatdrop I'd call him up now and ask but I dont' want his offer. It pisses me off he would even offer such a thing after what he did to me...
Anyway~
...geez these noodles are good. domokun Chicken flavored 'cayse my mom doesn't wanna try varieties I guess sweatdrop Whenever she buys something outta the norm of what she usually gets my sibs eat it up quick. sweatdrop
I got Chris's letter today. whee I only read it once this time...'cause I was so hungry. I'll read it more later. 3nodding Dun wanna ruin it...
I'm sleepy. sad I went to bed late last night 'cause I couldn't sleep till...er.... redface after I did somethin, so now I'm all aching today from no rest....and tiered and stuff....
There is this thing on AOL mail thing, thats talking about how french women are slimmer than US broads. Its like "Duh, in France they don't ******** up their food and meat up their animals with steroid and shiz like stupid americans stare ."
...I don't think they do, atleast. sweatdrop
They'res this boy whos from France who goes to the career center with me. I dunno his name, but he's dark as hell. sweatdrop Er...anyway, I'll ask him....I dunno, whenever he talks abotu France he always says he misses the women. 3nodding
At the career center we had this modivatation speaker who was kinda funny, she was more fit for a younger audiance that us 17-18 year olds. sweatdrop She told us about how we shopuldnt' care what other people said and stuff, and I quote "I don't care what you say about me behind my back, thats for YOU and YOUR self esteem to deal with...not me." Most of the kids didn't get it, but I did...these speakers they have say things I never even concidered before. Its very intresting to me to learn so much in one hour than I've ever learned in the classroom. 'cause me...I'm a cry baby, easily offended-easy to assume-and eaasy to hurt...so like, that just made me think. Sometimes to get through the day I say encouraging stuff to myself, basically saying I"m better than another person who is bothering me...some people would say its wrong to do that "immoral", but as long as I don't actually start thinking that, I'll be ok. I won't be a bad person 'cause I know in my heart I am better than no one else and no one is better than me. wink
I'm horny as hell...I said that to my friends in school and they gave me the weirdest look. gonk Like girls don't have sexual needs to or something crying
I keep concidering the Josh thing. Like how I'm pretty much going through a trial period to see if he still "trusts me enough" to do anything more. It's very stupid and very unnessary and I am disappointed he would make me go through such a ridiculous thing to prove myself worthy. But, of course....::sigh:: I'ma sit here, and do whatever it takes because I just can't let go...
That fact about me, my inability to let go...pisses off Isaac so much. Like that literally makes him upset/angry. The only arguement we ever had was over that...He just doesnt' see why i can't just forget Josh.
I dunno...I treat my boyfriends so badly, I think...or ex's, whatever...I get so mad and picky over the dumbest stuff that I shouldn't even be worried about. If I don't do that though, I'm afraid they'll think I care less like the broken marriages in "The Joy Luck Club" and I dun want that. sad I just wanna be happy and do something right...make someone unconditionally happy but my selfishness and inability to trust always gets in the way and messes everything up...
Well, back to the highlight of my day~ whee teh cherished letter from Chrissy~! redface It was longer than I thought it would be. 3nodding I ask stuff in my letter that I forget now so some of the stuff doesnt' compute correctly in my head sweatdrop ....
He said I'm a rollercoaster with lots of ups and downs and I think thats a bad thing. crying
...I wonder if I wasn't like this though, what would I be? I look at other people with "normal quiet lives"...and thats just so boring and lame to me. Also the reason I am reconcidering astrophysic's as a career...I try to watch like TV shows and stuff and I cant' stay intrested in it unless my brain is knowledge tuned. sad Books...I forget most th stuff I read anyway... sweatdrop but, er...I dunno...
He talks so bad about himself and it pisses me off so much...not like I'm raging mad right now, just upset that he doesn't think he's as cool as I think he is. If he did think that though, he'd be concided and I'd like 'em less. 3nodding I dunno...Chris is just the coolest and I wanna somehow show 'em he is. I'd rant more, but thats mroe for the responce fo rhim to read not here. xd
My fave...song...in the ENTIRE friggin world...has GOT to be...Jesus of Suburbia by Green Day mrgreen It so rocks...you gotta hear it heart I like it without the lyrics and with redface Its 9 mins and 8 sec's long though gonk ...so I put it on my crappy mp3 player and now insteada holding like 22 songs it only holds 10 gonk
My mom *finally* gave me the keys to meh car this morning. whee She said she trusts me not to be stupid now, and not to let her down. She seems to forget I am terrified of driving still. sweatdrop
I hate cars...
If I had it my way we'd all be riding bikes or skating and stuff to get from point A to point B.....
Another reason I hate cars, I think I'ma die 'cause of one....I have come close to death by car so many times in my life its sickening. Whats worse, is its not my damn fault I get so close to death...these bad drivers. In Germany you have to wait like 3 years to get a drivers license, I think the US should do that too...less assholes drivin around. 3nodding Today, walkin home from the bus stop this a*****e almost ran me over...people in Columbus dont' ******** think when they drive at all. Its all GO-GO-GO in this damn city...no stop and think about what the hell your doing. stare
Death...yea, if my calculations are correct this is my last year of life. 3nodding I don't say that lightly and I'm not joking either. Ever since before I could remember, 17 has marked my year to die. I don't know how...I just know I will in some form. Form meaning I could literally die, or have a death/rebirth thing like with the Tarot Cards 3nodding When we lived in Cooper Colony I had this...I dunno, memory stop thing where I saw myself hit by a car. Out of body experiance 3nodding . it sucked....I don't wanna die, really. If I ever went through on suicide I'd be pissed becase I really do like living. I don't live the american dream...but my life is what I make of it, and I like it. 3nodding I like what little I have and what hopes and fantasies I cling to which get me through my days...
So, yea....even though for soem crazy reason I think I'm marked for death this year, I dont' think I will die. I won't let myself. I got...people who really need me, and I won't let them down. redface I won' thurt them and leave them with a scar of my memory. I'ma be here and get old with my losers and it'll be a blast too 4laugh
I think...more I wanted to say...but due to tieredness...can't remember...so bye heart
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