Time passes.
Wounds heal.
The scars that mark me linger but fade, leaving the foolish hope that perhaps one day, the aching pain will disappear as well. But that is all it is - a foolish hope.
You cannot seem to leave my dreams be, and I still awaken in the dark and cringe, thinking you've hurt me again. And even though I know deep in my mind that your voice will never reach me again, you have hurt me once more...through my dreams. They serve as bitter reminders that you saw me as the means, and not the end - some sort of plaything.
In my stronger hours, I know that I no longer need you - you are part of my past, and that is where you belong. You name no longer makes my heart beat faster, and my muscles no longer tense at the sound of it. You cannot hurt me any longer.
...until the darkness claims me once again, and I stumble.
~~~
I think of you often, still. My memories are fading, and I worry that I'll forget you completely. Even now I've lost so much...my mind is becoming frantic, clinging to the littlest things that remind me of you. A candle, a color, a shard of a dream...
Has it been so long? I remember one of those first mornings so clearly that it could hardly have been more than a week ago, and yet others are a mystery to me - the pain in my words from those attempts to piece fragmented dreams and emotions together frightens me, leaving me to wonder how I managed to break free from them.
But...have I? Or am I still trapped, loving you and desperately wishing there was a way to find all those memories and somehow, in finding them, find you?
I inflict the pain myself, opening old scars and forcing myself to think of you, to remember - I cannot stand the idea of forgetting you and losing you completely, even if it makes accepting someone else nearly impossible.
Others make me smile, but none make me feel as beautiful...as desired...as loved...and I cannot find myself willing to place my heart in their hands.
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Exodus
Here in the shadows I'm safe, I'm free...
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Strawberry Gashes
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