well next week is going to be a seriously ******** up schedule at school. tuesday-thursday school is starting late and ending late and on friday we are going to be shipped off to a pep rally in the middle of fourth hour (still hoping to get out of it and go play magic in the library). i am going to be staying after school everyday next week for an hour so that i can get the school web page done in time for friday and i am going to hopefully be working by the end of the week (still don't know where) for night shifts and sundays. this ofcourse means that there will be very little matt time though i doubt he'll care i only fear that it'll emotionally/mentally kill me doing all that work and loosing what little free time i have. i have severe commitment issues sometimes though i normally compensate for it by being overly clingy or bitchy to people. i am becoming the exact opposite of what i want to be and doing the exact opposite of what i want to happen to my life. the more i try to break away the further the swamp seems to suck me in. this is the defining time of my life. if i am going to change forever it will be now. if i want to be something this is the time to do it hell it might even be the only chance i have. i need to figure it out but i just don't know how. waiting is getting me nowhere and i need to be everywhere. i wish i wasn't so content not fighting for what i want. the laziness and need for comfort are going to be the key thing that defines what i let myself to accomplish. i need to struggle for what i want but i just can't seem to get up and see the enemy and it's weaknesses for what it really is. leaving isn't the answer anymore, it's too late for that.
deathbycaring Community Member 
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