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So has anyone really noticed that Hope is always said to be a good, that we always need to have hope in times of trouble and fear. But isn't hope just a lie to yourself or someone... I mean and if Hope is a lie then that makes it bad right? Because you're not supposed to lie. Which makes me even more confused especially if lying is a sin so your not supposed to lie but at the same time they preach that you should always have hope. So does that mean that some lies aren't a sin and are in fact alright? I just don't get it, talk about hypocrites...

So last May my grandpa had been in the hospital and I Hoped that he would make it out and I always had that hope that he would make it out of that hospital and I would see him again without being so skinny, and sick on that bed with all those tubes going into him. So like I always said I had hope that he would come out of that place alive, but he never did... So that hope was a lie to myself that I had been clinging to... And I had hoped so much that I believed that he seriously would come out of that hospital, I believed it so much. When he didn't come out it made it even worse. I've never seen his dead body, never gazed at his body without his soul in it any longer, never seen the empty corpse, and I never will. I've only seen his ashes, now if you've never seen a person's ashes I'll let you in on a little secret, they look like normal ashes that could have come from a campfire, there is nothing to hint at them coming from a person. I've seen his ashes, I picked them up from the crematorium, looked at them held them in my hands, and never did I see him in them, never have I seen any hint that, those pieces of white and grey could be his, I never actually could see anything in them, for all I know they could have been someone else who had been burned up. The only thing that tells my they are his is the name on the urn... So I constantly pray and hope that I will see him, that he will just appear at my high school graduation. I'll see him sitting in the bleachers, smiling at me. I still can't imagine him gone, even after two memorial services. I keep expecting to walk into my grandmother's home and see him laying on the devan sleeping. I keep expecting to see him again, keep hoping to see him again, when I know he won't ever be able to show up... I keep lying to myself about it is what I'm doing... How is that right? That after all is what hope is right?

So what about all those families where there sons are off in Iraq fighting. They all Hope that their son's and daughters will come home unharmed. But how many get to see those faces again, or how many of them get to see their loved ones but harmed missing legs and arms. What about them? What does Hope do for them? Nothing... absolutly nothing...

That was fun...
Tchoa
I <3 You all