I love you so much. So much that I don't want you to hear it. YOur doing well. YOu listened to me. Not letting me hear how much you love me and how great I am. If i'm so great then how come I don't feel so great. SOmetimes I sit there and wonder why I hate myself so much. Io always will sit there and draw3 adAll I want to right on that paper is I hate you. A.J. I hate you so much. SOme people want to be me. It's surprising I don;t even want to be me. Is it the fact that I'm not a afraid in some sorts. I will act as if Your not staring at me in complete disgust on how I act. Is it that I say I'm so amazing . I can do anything. Doesn't anyone see how worng i am. I'm nopt amazing. If I could do anything don't you think I wouldn't hate myself. Don't you think that everytime I see a sharp object . I have to hold it back and not be tempted to cut myself into peices. I feel dumb. Remember when io told you it's not worth it? WHen I told you that hurting yourself hurts everyoine around you more than it does yourself. That's my issue. I'm not ready to hurt everyone else. I 'm working to not hurt everyone else. I don't want to hurt yopu. I'm happy that I don't want to hurt you. YOu seeing me happy makes you happy for some reason. Like you do actually care even if it doesn't show.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if He liked meback. EVerytime I looked at me or he gets close to me I feel like my world will crash. I always think guys are cute or something ,but this is different It's weird ,because I never feel like that. It's weird ,because for a second there I thought that I didn't feel one bit of crushing on someone until him. It's driving me crazy, but I know he doesnt like me back. So being friends is alright ,just as long as I'm near him. It's okay I guess. It's not worth making our friendship strange.
SOmetimes I'm jealous of you. How feel so stupid. Being jealous. I act like it doesn;'t bother me. How perfect you seem. WHat makes it wworse is that. i know you're not perfect. I listen to how you fell I listen to what Is in your mind. I know that it's all an act. How can you act and everyone still loves you more than anyone else. You say you're yourself around everyone. I spend a lot of time with you I don't see how you are the same. It's like a multiple personality deaise expect your name is always the same and you know it's you ,but YOur so different. It's scary. WHy am I jealous of an actor.
DO you still love me? It doesn't seem liek it. a friendship that has biuilt so much in time that It hurts when your mad at me. YOu just don;t see it do you? Because Everytime you storm off. I laugh and say you'll be back talking to me tommorrow. Because I know you just can't stand our siulence. What about me though. I act like it doesn't matter ,but You don't understand that's the way I am I don't show true emotion. I laugh it off and hope for you to talk the next day. We joke about how much we get mad at each other,but It's always my fault. Because no matter how much I ignore it. I feel so empty when at the end of the day you don't want to talk. YOu want to hate me to your darkest part of your heart. DO you still love me?
YOur so easy to talk to. Easier than anyone, because you don;t worry about it you just say it's okay and explain how you feel or how t makes you thihk. Did you know that your specal in that way. Even though sometimes you annoy the hell out of me. And sometimes I want you to just shut up. I don't want you to lieave. Your like a drug in someway. tHe only escape. The onlyway I can have no one say anything and just walk away and pretend it never happened.Don't ever think I hat eyou. You're my escape.
Does it matter how much my friends don;t like you. I will spend almost all of my life trying to get you to see how much I want to be around you. Even if you don;t like me. You probably do ,but how's it going to be when i can't see you anymore,be
 ACrimsonRevo · Thu Jan 17, 2008 @ 04:26am · 0 Comments |
