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Depressing Poetry
Please comment I would really appreciate it. I want to be a poet someday.
Can I not escape these dreams?
They haunt me,
With their evil schemes.

As I lie here and fret.
I wake,
In a cold sweat.

The moment feels so real.
He takes my heart,
He loves to steal.

I have lost my place.
And I think,
There is no such thing as grace.

I want that last kiss.
Ill die for it,
Because I can not feel bliss.

I am in fear.
As I am dying,
You leave me here.

These tears are so cold.
You stare at me,
Feeling so bold.

Never did you love,
Never will you care,
I am leaving to be up above.

I am gone now.
You shed no tears.
You banished me away, so take a bow.

You did so much harm.
But I do not care.
I will always be under your charm.






Confussledlover
Community Member
  • 07/27/08 to 07/20/08 (5)
  • 03/23/08 to 03/16/08 (1)
  • 03/02/08 to 02/24/08 (1)
  • 02/17/08 to 02/10/08 (1)

  • User Comments: [5] [add]
    Confussledlover
    Community Member
    avatar
    commentCommented on: Sat Mar 22, 2008 @ 05:57pm
    Does this poem seemed forced? I mean does it flow. I was trying very hard to rhyme. But did i lose my sense in the flow of the poem???


    commentCommented on: Sat Mar 22, 2008 @ 10:57pm
    each time i read one of your poems i see more and more how good you are.
    it did flow and sounded like it was unintended. but as always what its about makes me kinda sad, im glad that you are getting your feelings out and its better through poetry than.....listening to elmo.

    but yes it flowed and it is beautiful poetry, go to this profile and read some of her stuff you will appreciate it...

    http://www.gaiaonline.com/profiles/?u=4776743

    but she is REALLY good and i think you might like her stuff



    dying_inside6
    Community Member
    drummerchick23
    Community Member
    avatar
    commentCommented on: Sat Mar 22, 2008 @ 11:41pm
    I dont think it sounds forced, i actually think its pretty amazing and ya. Im not really good at posting comments so ya, but i really do like it.


    commentCommented on: Tue Mar 25, 2008 @ 12:52am
    each time i read one of your poems i see more and more how good you are.
    it did flow and sounded like it was unintended. but as always what its about makes me kinda sad, im glad that you are getting your feelings out and its better through poetry than.....listening to elmo.

    but yes it flowed and it is beautiful poetry, go to this profile and read some of her stuff you will appreciate it...


    MBOB AGREES cry cry cry crying crying crying smile



    xFlaming Sorrowx
    Community Member
    Methendar
    Community Member
    avatar
    commentCommented on: Sun Jul 06, 2008 @ 07:23am
    Hey, i figured i would post a comment on all your poems here so yeah anyways, time to be...A CRITIC!!! lol anyways...

    It seems to flow pretty well, it really does, you also had a rhyme scheme in there. But over all, its a pretty good piece of poetry, Good job biggrin biggrin


    User Comments: [5] [add]
     
     
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