My Grandmother tells me that God loves me and that I deserve happiness... She tells me that she loves me... I don't feel like I deserve anything.. I feel like crawling up in a isolated room no one ever goes into or even watches. I want to die there. I've hurt the one I love the most and I feel really awful. I deserve nothing. I deserve to be beaten... I want to be beaten. I want to feel the physical pain and not this anguish and sorrow... This despair that nearly makes me faint. I want to die. Or just go to sleep until it is time for me to go... My self loathing is stronger... Far stronger than anything in my life heart and soul. I wish I could say that my love for my other was stronger than the hate for myself but it is not. My hate has been in existance as long as I can remember.... Love? Two years ago. God I hurt... And I don't really care that I hurt... I just want my other to be happy.
 Namida no Akira · Wed Apr 09, 2008 @ 07:17pm · 0 Comments |
