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I am quite happy right now. Burningly happy.

I think after everything that happened, to have these feelings back, to have this back is more important then it was before. Things are stronger now. I feel like that is. I feel like more depth has been thrown in, like a flower blossoming inside.

And while I am reveling in my happiness, I am saying oh s**t inside so very hardcore.

Because I don't know if I can trust it this time. If I can handle a repeat of last time. This time, worse then before, I would be hurt. That's why there can't be any mistakes on my part. I have to .. survey this carefully... live ... and ... prove myself.. and hope that I'm worth it...

I'm not like them. I promise the way I feel is genuine. And it's a feeling that's growing stronger each day. I'm just so scared I'm going to be let down again. You said you were afraid of being alone... you're not the only one...

The words I never thought I would speak to another person are formulating in my mind. I don't know if I want to think them. To speak them would be blasphemy at this point. I don't think it's that yet... but it's prelude... I know it's going to end up that way at this rate...

Let me prove these words have meaning. I'll show them to you before I speak them. I'll prove them to myself. I won't ever let such precious things be cheap.

I want to be the person that you want me to be.

Even if right now isn't the best time, even if I won't let it be right now just for safety's sake, I'm extending my hand to the future and telling you that I'll be waiting at the shore where the moonlight is shining.

Because even if you don't realize it yet, I feel the same way you do.

... but that's why I'm so scared...

I also spoke to someone else who is important to me tonight, and have discovered some things.

I do not really know how to feel about them. Only that... the past is the past... and I am concentrating on now.

You will always be precious to me, but our circumstances are as they are, and our time has ended. You are happy, and I am happy too, even if we both linger slightly on our past.

You have who you want, and I...

... I have someone I want to be with now.

So I think that to be friends... would be a nice thing. Let's never forget our past, but let's neither of us dwell on it. I love you, but something else has become more important then the neglected feelings I cultured for so long.

I may not be very interesting, I'm kind of spacy and not always bright, I'm not very confident or particularly pretty, and certainly not experienced, but... I have loyalty...

I'm going to miss you when you start working 12-hour shifts...