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Something New
There's something poetically fitting about smoking. The way the smoke that you create sits inside of you then leaves a residue. One can only hope love is the same way.
Lately, I've only wanted to wash my heart out. I want to clean myself of my junkie ways. I painfully realize that there are only two people at this point that will truly be in my life for my eternity. Those two I have known since Kindergarden. They ... never hold things against me. I never understood that. I can forgive anything they would do to me because I know I was such a brat in the beginning with them. There is nothing I would not do for them. Andrea and Christy. My sun and moon.
I want another to be in my life forever but I don't know how to go about it other than to wait and she seems impatient. We have a lot of awkward conversations now-a-days. We have that confidence and calm faith in each other that I love about friendships. She knows that I have weaknesses but I don't think she holds it against me. I love that about her. She has seen a lot of other parts of me that even close people haven't seen.
Many others I question and it hurts to question the very people I have so much faith in. I might shoot my own hope down for the better.
I miss the underclassmen. Kitsie and Cammi and Mori. They are the only ones I know that actually might miss me. Tosha of course cares for me still and I will her too.
I'm doing pretty well in school right now. I thought I was failing speech because I had a panic attack my last speech but I have an "A" Go Figure. Then I almost got an "A" after turning in my essay LATE @_@ Where is this world I have gone to? Lol. Japanese and AAS are really hard so I don't hold it against myself that I'm not the brightest bulb in there. My mom is gonna make me peach cuchin to celebrate my "A" and another "A" paper in English (2/4 -> B's, 2/4 -> A's) Lol.
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