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I am so ******** up

A few years ago (like 4) I was on some stupid game called "Puzzle Pirates" well anyways I fell in love (no surprise) well this is what I call foolish love, because I was foolish and young. Turns out she thought I was cheating on her, dumped me, and broke my heart. I soon repressed it and moved on. I went through many other games and did stuff I'm not proud of. Finally I came to Gaia. There I meet many others that I fell in love with. I am not blaming all this s**t on them..... :/ Well anyways.....I met a girl....I dumped her and in turn it ******** myself up which I never expected to happen (I also repressed this)
so now I go threw girls like socks....One day I love them....another I don't Then I met Sarah. Oh how I loved her.....She fixed me, but just temporalily. Well now I screwed up mine and her love together and I'm back to my old ******** up self...I regret everything and just today the stuff I repressed came back....*sighs* I hate myself for everything I have done and I am possibly thinking of suicide.....