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My brother and I are far more alike than I had previously assumed. I learned this weekend that he too broods about the past and holds those things against himeself (or others depending on the situation). I didn't realize it because it was right in front of me but he also shares my interest in sociology. We like to explore why human behavior is such though we differ in methods. He is a more creative expression of writing and receiving feedback while I study and learn through hearing and living.

A very dangerous movie for me to watch: Girl Interrupted. I always knew it was dangerous and always knew why. It is easily relatable. One would assume I would relate to the main character and in a way I do. I relate to her only in the manner of her personality so far as kindness and inability to see past herself. Mostly though I relate to Angelina Jolie's character. Dangerous. Brings back so many repressed thoughts. Repressed thoughts for a reason. The bitter anger and seething fire that burns from my pheonix wings that try to fly. Cage. Cage. Cage. Cage.

I found my two expansion packs for Sims 2 game. I have the urge to play again, of only for a while. I am getting tired of watching movies all the time and reading makes me so tired. If I could have a certain book I might want to rethink playing games but for now let me play on. A few weeks of games should tire me out of them for a good month or two and a half.

My birthday is the 10th of March. I wanted to celebrate the weekend after but I have a field trip for a class that is mandatory, therefore I shall be celebrating the week before like I was trying to avoid. I hate it so. How I LOATHE celebrating my birthday the weekend before. -hmph-

My attitude is reverting for a little while. Ignore it. It shall pass after I sleep. Movies have that affect on me as you are all aware. Nevermind that.

There are so many concepts as I am sure my sister also feels that I wish to express to the younger and less enlightened crowd. There is a way to express it almost perfectly but I need time to construct it. It cannot be approached head on. I am not implying that the younger crowd is less mature, I am sure of it. It is not that you CANNOT be more mature but that you simply do not have the resources readily available to you. It takes a considerable amount of work to find out what we have found in these past five months of college in your years of high school. They are very different worlds. While I wish you could know what we know and have your eyes opened to anther level I also cherish your innocence and want you to enjoy what you have the way it was meant to be enjoyed, naively.

So many things are changing. The world is spinning and the moon twirls. I have so many things I want to do. Maybe I CAN still do them, I only need to look them up and see if they are indeed possible. Ballroom dancing. Charm school. Meeting new friends. Playing Volleyball. Reading famous books about dreams, sociology, and thought processes. Finally finding that wedding dress that I dreamed about. Finally finding a bustiere that fits my standards. Feeling at peace with my other friends. Shopping with Christy. Going bargain/thrift shopping in general. Just walk downtown with two other girlfriends in San Fran. Make mint ice cream. Find a kiss that freezes my heart. Finally finish writing those cards.

While my trip home was very short it has reminded me of how I should never deny my past. I should always love where and how I came from. They are my past, my present and my future because they are a part of me indefinately.