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I think I might want to.


There's something I've been asked recently
since I came back from college
by two different people who responded the same way
to the same answer I gave them both.
My dad and my sister asked (separately of course),
"So how many friends did you make at college?"
"One," I said.
"That's it?"
"When have you ever known me to have more than one or two friends?"

That's how both conversations went.
(After that, they differed slightly.
My sister said, "That's true, never."
And I think my dad just kinda grumbled in displeasure.)

I think when it comes to friends,
it's definitely quality over quantity.
Sometimes I envy people with a lot of friends,
'cause it's always nice to have someone to hang out with.
Gives you something to do.
And I definitely need some somethings to do.
But I have two really good friends now since college
(I told them one because, well, the other is an online friend
that wasn't technically "at college." wink
And I think that's better than a million people to hang with.
When it comes down to it,
there's more to being a friend than being fun to be around,
and everyone goes through s**t
and needs something more than just some entertainment.
Well my friends, the very small in number that I have,
can help me out with that, too.

I can see through my friendships, too,
that I've definitely grown as a person.
Years ago, my best friend was Nichole.
I looked up to her in a way.
I saw her as better than myself.
But I don't really think that's fair as a friendship.
Maybe as like a student-mentor relationship,
but not a friendship.
Today, I definitely see my friends as equals.
No one's superior.
We're all just great people.

And maybe that's saying something about my self esteem, too.
I used to have this thing where I would deem most everyone inferior to me
except for a few people who were equals
and even fewer who were better.
But I think maybe that was a cover for me.
'Cause I was jealous of many of the people who were "inferior"
since they seemed happy.
But I've noticed that judgement fading away.
I still think I'm better than a lot of people,
but, well, there are a lot of dumbasses out there. :b

I think, in general, I just feel more mature.
I know I thought I was mature a few years ago,
but I've changed a lot in that little amount of time
(and yet I'm still recognizably the same).
Let's see how much I change in the next few years
and if I still think I was mature at this time. Ha.
I definitely know I still have room to grow.
There's always room for that.
Nobody's perfect or ever will be.
And with that knowledge, maybe it's silly to bother reaching for it,
but as you get closer and closer,
the difference becomes negligible.
And of course, like the nerd that I am,
I just referenced limits. :b
The limit as Mary Kate approaches perfection
equals close enough.

My friends will help me get closer, I'm sure,
whoever they'll be throughout my life.
As of now, the ones I have are already helping me,
have already helped me.
They're all I need now.
Yes, there are other things I technically need.
Oxygen, water, to gain weight, a job maybe.
But strong social relationships stand above it all.
Human beings are social creatures after all.
Without something along those lines,
I'm liable to wither away.
Fortunately for us
(because you care, don't you?),
that's not the case.
In the future, I'll want something more.
I'll want to be mutually in love
and in a relationship
(and well, I already do want that),
but for now, what I've got's making me happy.
And that's all that matters.

Above all else, happiness is my goal in life.

Well, now that it's 3:20am
and I've stayed up way longer than I probably should have,
I should probably get to bed.
I was going to over an hour and a half ago,
but.. s**t happens. That's life.
I regret nothing~