I stare out the window of my room and watch the last rays of the sun dissapate. I consentrate on trying to get back into the mindset that allows me to survive at this brothel. But all I can think about is him I can no longer consentrate on what i need to do to live. He keeps crossing my mind... I keep comparing him to these Bastards... and he wins every time. I need to pull myself together. I can not live like this. All hung up on him.... He told me he doesnt care for me. I knew that deep down. So why does it come as a shock? Why does it hurt so badly I can barely move? Why do I long for his touch? Why do I feel the need to run back to him, beg him to at least pretend to care? Why do I feel the need to hurt myself by going back to him? I've already given him everything I have... I have no more left. What can I give him to make him stay? Why am I even trying? I saw his face when he looked at her... How he turned red... how he couldn't say i was the only girl He's ever loved without zoning out and thinking of her. Thats it. I give up. I'm sick and tired of running my emotions ragged for him. I'll eventually get over this, and then I won't Leave this place until I die. I'll never see him again... and then he can be happy with her. ... But then he walked through my doors... Said he had 'booked' me for a night... Why? Is he here to torture me? Can I treat him as a customer or will I burst into tears? How can i protect myself? ... Do I want to?
KitsunexThief · Wed Mar 11, 2009 @ 02:59am · 0 Comments |