I still remember everything about you. The way you looked, the way you smelled, all of your mannerisms. Every single detail about you is engrained into my memory.
I was hurt, you know. So very hurt when you left. It almost seems like we never got to spend enough time with each other… and yet we did, didn’t we? But still, you left too soon. I need you…
Ever since I came here, I’ve had a little habit of coming to this park. I can imagine our little boys playing in it in a few years—that’s what they’re going to be, Neil. Boys. I haven’t picked the right names for them yet, but I’m sure it’ll come to me. I wonder what they’ll look like…
Anyway, I’m digressing. Sorry, hun. I don’t do much when I come here. I just sit on the bench and watch as the world goes by… It’s so peaceful and innocent here. It’s hard to believe the kind of world that lies beyond this place. We’ve been fighting for so much…
This is the first time I’ve brought your helmet here with me. I guess in my mind it’s a way for me to bring you here. Is that silly?
Do I seem all sad and depressed to you? It could be because of the pregnancy. But I have a lot to worry about. First of all, the kids. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Will I be able to raise them right? How are things gonna be for them without their daddy?
Damn it, you just left too soon! I miss you so much. I really do!
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
There it is. That warm and gentle touch on my shoulder. It’s just the way he always touched me. It feels good—but it can’t be him.
I stand up from my bench and turn to the stranger. The helmet falls from hands as I look at him, shocked.
There he is. Just as I remember him. That beautiful brown hair that curls at the ends. Those warm green eyes, so truthful and wonderful… That beautiful, perfect face. My savior. My one and only. Neil.
I sob. What else can I do? He’s been dead for months, and I’ve been dreaming about him. And he’s just standing there. With that sweet, wonderful smile. Looking at me as though nothing’s happened.
He takes me in his arms and hugs me—just like he used to.
“Hey now, why are you crying?” he asks in that same voice.
“You’re dead,” I whisper.
He holds me even tighter. “I know. And I’m sorry about that.”
“You’re such an a**! Leaving me like that with these two little ones. What the hell were you thinking?”
I pull away from him and take a good look at him before I hug him again. I’m not mad at him. No, I could never be. I’ve just missed him so much that it hurts. And it’s only been seven months…
He kisses the top of my head and sighs.
“I know you’re upset. Sorry. But at least I’m here now,” he says softly, gently rubbing my head.
I sob again and remind myself that this is just a dream. That’s all it is...
“Dry up, Aya. I didn’t come here to see you cry.”
His hand reaches up and wipes away my tears. More come down my face.
“You know… I still have nightmares every once in a while. About your death, I mean. They hurt so much, Neil.”
“I know.”
“But why did it have to happen?”
“It just did. It’s not like it was planned.”
I bury my head in his chest and whisper, “But I don’t know what to do.”
He gently pats my head with his hand.
“You’ll figure it out. I know you can because you are a strong and intelligent woman. You’ll get by without me.”
“But you were always there for me! You were my strength, my salvation. You were my everything.”
“And now you’ll have to be all of those things for our children.”
“But I can’t do it alone!”
“Yes, you can, Aya. You’ll get the hang of it. And even though I won’t be around in body, I’ll still be watching over you in spirit…”
He kisses the top of my head and holds me. Then suddenly, his entire body sort of fades and comes back. He sighs.
“Time’s up, dear.”
I tighten my hold on him.
“No, you can’t go, Neil! I don’t ever want to let you go again, even if you are some ghost in my dreams!”
“But, Aya, I have to go—your water just broke.”
I freeze and stare at him.
“What?”
He kisses the top of my head before smiling and fading away. Then I blink and find myself in the park, feeling very icky.
~~ -- ~~ -- ~~ -- ~~ -- ~~ -- ~~
It’s done! It’s finally done. I have given birth to the most beautiful baby boys in all of existence. Adorable patches of blond hair on their heads. Tan skin. The only difference between the two right now is their eye color. The older one has your green eyes, and the younger one has my purple ones. And they’re just so beautiful and tiny. I’m so happy.
They’re just so tiny and helpless. And they know nothing of the world and all its dangers. They’ll be needing guidance to get through, especially since they won’t have their father around. They need me just as I needed you. I think I understand now, Neil…
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
“Welcome back, Aya,” his warm voice greets.
We’re back in the park. At least, the one in my dream. And Neil is by me again, this time with a proud smile.
“Good job on the birth, honey.”
I smile and shake my head. “Yeah, well, I couldn’t have done it without you.”
I sit on the bench and pat the area next to me. He sits. And we just stay there, watching this little dream world…
“Those boys of ours,” Neil starts, interrupting the silence, “they still need names, right? Have you thought of any good ones yet?”
“No, not yet,” I sigh. “I want to give them the perfect names. They just haven’t come to me yet.”
“Do you remember that conversation we had a while back? The one from before we found out you were pregnant?”
“You mean when we were just joking around on possible names for our future children?” I laugh. “We came up with some really cute ones.”
“For the girls, though. The boys’ names were harder for us.”
“Lucky for me, I got a pair of boys,” I smirk, snuggling against his side.
“There were two that we liked, though.”
I think long and hard. To me it seems like that conversation happened a long, long time ago. Ooh, but there were so many names…
“I think one started with an ‘A’ and the other started with an ‘E’,” Neil supplied with an innocent look.
Now I remember.
“We wanted Eithen and Aiden,” I say.
“Yes, we did,” he chuckles. “And those names still sound good.”
“If you want me to give them those names, then fine,” I chuckle. “The one with your eyes will be Eithen and the one with my eyes is Aiden.”
“It’s settled.”
“Right.”
I smile and hold him close.
“Thanks for the pep talk earlier, Neil,” I whisper after a while. “I really needed it. I know I’ve gotta be strong for our boys.”
He kisses the top of my head.
“You’ll do great. Besides, you know I’ll be watching over you. All of you. You’re going to make it.”
“But I’ll still be missing you so much…”
“Don’t. Know that I’m always around even if you can’t see me. Then, before you know it, we’ll be together again.”
I lift my head and look into his eyes.
“Really?”
He smirks. “Of course. You’ll see.”
He gently takes my chin and tilts my head so we can share a kiss… And it feels the same way as I remember.
All too soon, he and I separate.
“This time I really do have to go,” he says.
“I know,” I sigh. “But it’s ok now. At least we got to say good bye properly this time.”
“At least,” he smirks. He sits there looking at me with fond eyes before he whispers to me, “Take care of them.”
With that, he fades away.
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
So now I know everything is going to be all right. I’m still afraid for the future, but now that I have these little ones right here with me, I know we can make it.
In the mean time, I’ll see you later, Neil.
Adylure Community Member 
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