Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I really need to think of a more orginal journal title and description sweatdrop I feel so lame with this default listing.

Well guess what? Kevin read my journal.

...

stare And as I expect if he happened to read it, he is sad and hurt by it. He went and cried and stuff and I just feel reminded of why I don't like getting involved with people. sad I am going to be one of those lonely old women because I always attract people I can't make happy. You know, for once I would like to do something well...::sigh:: I want to say more, but I'm still sleepy as hell and I don't want Kevin to read anything else that will make him cry... cry

I can't level up on Ragnarok and my dancer ::points to siggy:: is hard as hell to level up. All my character stats are messed up and I just can't do this on my own. I would like help, but everyone who I know can help won't, and the occassional nice stranger always wants something in return sweatdrop . I may be a dancer but I do not preform personal favors.

I have no school today. Mom wants the whole house clean and I am debating on if I should clean or not. I don't want to~because its not my mess.

My sibilings are so lazy and dirty. I am sick of having to stay in my room all the time because they are to stupid to clean after themselves. When I was their ages I cleaned up after myself, I didn't do it well but I atleast tried.

I can't wait to move out. stressed I can't wait to live on my own semi-clean enviorment. Problem is sweatdrop I'm going to need a room mate. gonk How the hell do I find that?! I don't know anyone who will work to live and I doubt I will make enough to live somewhere I would be happy and safe at. sad I refuse to live on any campus, 'cause I don't like that sort of life. I want to be independant but I can't do it on my own. I really like to believe I don't need anyone because it makes me feel like I am strong, but in the end I always do~so what does that make me?

Okay sweatdrop I'm changing subjects before I get sad.

xd I use alot of emoticons when I make posts. wink So you all know, its an exact representation of how I am feeling and since I feel so many things so often I just...well, express them ^^;;

I feel so lazy today. I'm perfectly content with just laying in my bed all morning and flicking through the TV channels finding nothing good to watch dispite the 999 channels we have 3nodding But I am stronger than my lazy side and I will not waste the day laying in my bed 'cause its not healthy or anything like that.

I miss cooking sad I miss when we used to live on the nice side of town. I used to get to cook all the time. I used to make meals and stuff 'cause mom worked late and I liked to do that. Our house was much cleanier than it is now, and back then it felt like everyone cared about eachother in one form or another; even though I was in my suicide phase and just 13, that was the only time in my life I think I could say I love my family and have no second thoughts.

I hate cooking where we live now 'cause its so small and dirty. I will not cook in a dirty enviorment; I can't get my cooking energy right ( sweatdrop Yea, weird, I know). That is one thing I will refuse to do till the day I die~cooking someplace dirty. Mom works late now too, and expects me to cook dinner so her lazy a** doesn't have to when she gets home; just like before. I refuse to cook, so she says I don't deserve to play Ragnarok which costs $12.99 a month to play. That is not a fair rationalization.

Also, she has assinged 'chores' again, which she quit doing when I was about 13 1/2 (I'm 16 now). No one does their chore. Like my brother Todd for example. His lazy a** doesn't do anything and gets treated better than anyone else in the house. I'm the oldest damn it, I am about to move out I am about to seperate from her and she acts like I'll just be sitting here forever on her ever beckoning call. stare Todd never has to clean, as well as never gets yelled at. He has no responcibilites and I'm ******** sick of it, but whenever I say something I'm just being a stuck up b***h. I'm really sick of being called that by my own mother, I strickly believe in the motto 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you', but I know if I call her a b***h I suddenly become a 'bad daugter' and the worst person in the world.

stare Seems like if I plan to get anywhere in life I have to suck up to people. And I am not about to degrade myself like that. 3nodding I will take the road less travled and make something of myself on my own. Well...not totally on my own, because someone very special to me would prefer if I didn't do that. ::cough::Onii-san::cough:: wink So I will take that into concideration. 3nodding

::mews:: Alright then, I need to get dressed and showered and clean and everything and wash the damn dish's so mom will get off my back so I can get onto Ragnarok and level up my dancer.

4laugh I will learn Power Cord skill by next Friday~! That is my goal~! 4laugh

...

lol