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I'm So So So So Sorry T.T |
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I've used up all my words, but the tears keep coming. Its always teh same, Mess after mess. All stacked top fo each other. Nothing working out. Me crushing people. I know I'm not meant to be. I'm a defect. A walking tumor. I'm not supposed to be here. But I can't die. I'm sorry. I can't. I'm scared. I'm too scared. I'm so sorry. To everyone. i'm so sorry. I'm so so so sorry crying crying
The only thing tha has EVER worked out in my life was when I went out with Avery, months ago!! And that ended up being ******** too, becuz he payed more attention to Aura and I found out and and T.T Everything, everything, EVERYTHING always gets messed up and people turn on me! And people wonder why I have three REAL TRUE friggin friends left! I have a bunch more, but they’ll never fully know or understand me! I can’t trust them, can’t date them, and can’t tell them the truth about ******** anything Dx And everythign always works out so PERFECTLY for everyone else, and I help them and are happy an djoyful for them and I always help them out but I’m always, every ******** second of the day, I hold a HUGE amount of jealousy in the back of my black heart for how perfectly everything is for everyone. And I sa I don’t care, but when I actually get to the point I say I don’t care about, I really do! I do, I DO care about more than I say I do. I try and try to tell the truth and keep things clean, btu people just ENJOY ruining things for me! I don’t need ******** on my! The thing I strugg;e with most is relationships, becuz I want a REAL one so ******** badly, but no guy or girl would ever ever want me! I don’t have the looks, personality, etc., AND I have all kinds of ******** drama all the time! You know how much I cry at night, when no one’s around, when no one’s awake, when no one can see? Its like I’m a DEFECT of this world. A DEFECT. A tumor attatched to the world. I’m not supposed tp be here, but I just won’t let go. Maybe its time, maybe I should. But I can’t. I’m SCARED.
Kirayne · Tue Jun 30, 2009 @ 04:29am · 5 Comments |
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