Misery. stare
I live in a state of unchangeable, unbelievable, unreasonable, misery.
Day after day, life fades from me, color fades to grey. Night by night, each morning I wake, I crumble, I dispare, I cry.
Week by week, I come to realize... He's gone. Not for the day, not a month, for life. For ever. Never will I ly my sweet brown eye upon his live skin again. Never will I be embraced by his warm fatherly hugs. Never will I again be nagged, be laughed at.
So, I am pretty much shatterd.. I'm pretty much dead. I don't care anymore. I do care and all I care for is.. Success. I want to succeed. And I will... I want to for him... Never should I have mistook what he stated, he was always right. And I was always... A teenager. -.-
How dare he do that to me... I have been worrying my ******** god for saken heart out for the past 6 hours, crying so hard I've puked. ((Zu-Zu ate it EWWWWW)) And FINALLY when he ******** gets out, he doesn't ******** plug the god damn phone in to ******** let me know he's ******** okay, because "Jerry's truck." Or sum s**t. ******** THAT. Thanks a whole ******** lot. Then when he does call, "I'm going to eat, and then I'll text you."
YEAH THANKS. I sure as ******** didn't want to ******** talk to you anyway. ********. Why do I ******** try.
HE has NO ******** idea how badly I want to talk to him. ******** TEXTING. I'm so upset right now.. And I have NO ONE.... I hate this...
******** LIFE.
WHY THE ******** AM I HERE??????
I'm a waste of ******** space, I'm a waste of ******** oxygen.
I still havent eaten... It's been 3 days now... My legs are getting numb and my lips are tingley.. Reminds me of the good 'ol days..
I'm going to go cry now... I don't even care anymore....
How am I supposed to care when s**t like this happens? How am I supposed to "pull through".
How can he love me when he does this...
How could "God" take away the only things that have ever or will ever mean that much to me...
It feels like the worst heartbreak in my life... I cannot begin to explain this feeling...
4 MONTHS TO THE ******** DAY from when Gammy died.. Daddy dies.
And here I ******** was having his stupid a** ******** white trash dumb grammer ******** impared mother telling me he was "out on IV medication", I am thinking ******** he's not okay. And no one ******** tells me anyting and it's not like he ******** cared enough to ******** even give me the ******** slitest holler...
********
I
AM
SO
MISERABLE.
"Give me a whiskey an' water, hold the whiskey."
Zombie Mae Community Member 
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