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Things you ought to know for life. They are long but it's like the 10 Commendment for life.

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00
apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try
spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like
making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My
sentiments exactly)

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3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as
the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as
the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?


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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does
that mean that one enjoys it?

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5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader
of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor
store or at Hooters.

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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't
people from Holland called Holes?

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7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery?

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8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

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9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't
they just stale bread to begin with?

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10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a
pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not
called a racist?

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11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

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12 If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow that electricians can be
delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry
cleaners depressed?

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13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
it Fed UP?

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14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

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15. What hair color do they put on the driver's
licenses of bald men?

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16. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice:
When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it
spells
"THEIRS"?

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17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with
tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do
Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

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18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the
Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to
them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while
they deliver the mail?

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19 If it's true that we are here to help others, then
what exactly are the others here for?

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20. You never really learn to swear until you learn
to drive.

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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be
if it didn't zigzag?

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22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her
nose?

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23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

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24. I was thinking about how people seem to read the
Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it
dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final
exam.