The days are flying by in such a haste
I feel as thought I'm throwing it all to waste.
Purposely leaving what I worked for so long,
Urging him on with "I won't leave you too" and "be strong"
And it took five months, filled with torture
Words guiding me along, a gentle lure,
To realize that, just possibly
I'm completely wrong...about what I knew- about me.
Tonight, the eve of "sweet sixteen"
My future keeps blurring, too evasive to be seen
I was so expecting for everything to go as planned
I was so reliant on my friends- their outstretched hands
I'm not so self-assuring, so ready to leap
My deep, dark secrets, tucked up for me to keep.
I banished all I knew, threw away all I loved
And the wheels have just started turning, up above.
I didn't do it for myself, to spare the guilt.
I'm not that self-destructive, to ruin all I built.
I did it to please, to see those lying smiles.
The fact that I lived for those brings up bile.
You knew it wasn't good for me, you knew what to do.
But dad wanted me to himself, and you dropped me on cue.
I didn't think I was siding with an enemy-
shows how much 16 years opened my eyes to see.
From here on out, I'll do my best
To stop living for your peaceful rest.
While I toss and turn, worry and scream
about all the troubles I caused, or so it would seem.
This isn't for your satisfaction, nor your bubbling tears
It's for me- I'm tired of living with so many fears.
Of all the people I aim to please
I didn't think your watchful gaze was one I'd have to appease.
At least not the way you forced upon me...
At least with some underlying layer of love, for me?
 apterous_angel · Mon May 10, 2010 @ 01:05am · 0 Comments |
