I've been thinking I’m nothing but a bother to everyone around me, that I shouldn't have any friends. I will never feel the feeling of life only the feeling of dead. Yeah I do admit some people do take it away that I can even call myself alive but sometimes they just vanish without a word. My 2 friends from the real world have not responded to any e-mails. Their really good friends that it makes me sad to see them leave. One has gone to college to pursue her career and the other...nothing...I don’t know where she is but I’ll continue to pm her so I don’t feel so alone.
From the picture above, it caught my eye, do the people that I talk to think of this? Do they ask themselves this very question? To be honest I never think this way, I'll like to apologize to the people that think I sound needy. I'm sorry but growing up I was teased and didn’t have any friends until the 5th grade. In kindergarden I would follow some friends but they played like I wasn’t there. All my life I've met mean, terrible, people. That’s why I sometimes sound needy. When I was younger I would watch TV and I always wished to meet a friend like the one on TV. A friend who would always be there and if you were sad they would know so they would cheer you up yeah I found 2 people like that in the real world but now their gone and I wont see them again. The dead feeling came from my friends ignoring me and so I got the feeling of dead. It’s like nothing matters to you and you don’t feel like it to do something. Someone could be crying right next to you and you wouldn't feel sympathy, you would feel absolutely NOTHING. Your like totally gone and your just a doll walking around with no emotion to spare. My dad thinks that feeling this is DEPRESSION but It's not cuz depression cant spread.
I would picture myself like the picture below. Surrounded by total darkness with no one at all sometimes light shines but only a bit. I’ll be completely alone with no one but myself, friends come and go. My friends are the only thing important to me, they are my life, with out a person or friend to talk my life has no meaning. I’m sometimes afraid the dead feeling will return but other times I want to feel that way again cuz then I wouldn’t be sad when no responds. I wouldn’t even be typing this if I only felt dead..
If only you would come back to me...
