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MADE THIS UP NOT MY LIFE:


This is the fifth day but you had talked to me yesterday... It wasn't all a very pleasant talk though. You had told me things that made me want to kill myself, because I was right you had found someone else. She would do things for you that I couldn't do because I didn't like to. And yet for some reason you still want me. This girl must be more beautiful and more fun than I am.
I couldn't sleep at all, all I could think about was, 'did you every think of me once when you were doing her' or 'did I ever once cross your mind when you were dealing with what you have done.' I should have know, you are one of those guys that you can't trust. I new that the party wasn't a good idea, but I had thought what could go wrong. As I type this I feel more and more distant from you. I feel like you don't love me anymore, I feel like the tears right now are just another stupid date that God had marked in his book. Everyday I feel like god is out to get me, like i have done something wrong and now he is giving me the worst time of my life.Everyday I feel God if fake. I have always thought that he is not real, although I prey to him and I wear my faith necklace as a sigh he is watching over me. Last night I tore it off and flushed it down the toilet. God is no more valuable to me.
Why is it that I am never enough for a guy that everything I do is a lie. Every guy I have ever shown love twords. This was the worst. I feel like this is hell to me this is the worst punishment I could ever receive. I feel pain, week, sarrow, stupidity. I feel like this is what they mean by love. The term 'Falling in Love' it includes the word 'falling' this is me falling. And the word 'love' is not in my hart. This doesn't mean I do not love you, this means that you have hurt me enough for me to kill myself. I new I was never enough and I know you agree and I know that you have had Carma from this. Your baby, not mine, but hers. You have broken a promise again... And how many have I broken? You have broken, 1....2....3....4 in counting.
This is not a way of saying ' I HATE YOU AND NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN' this is a way of telling you that you have hurt me. I told you I would never leave you and I am not. Yo promised me the same thing twice. Both times were a lie. And now you have promised me a third time. But this promise seems to be breaking like, I feel like you don't want me anymore. This is just another meaningless way to poor my heart out on a piece of paper that symbolizes nothing. I don't know if I will here from you today, tomorrow, next week, next month, a year or never. But I will never break my promise to you like you have done to me so many times. Because I have faith in you, I just wonder why. Saying that your a horny guy doesn't make sense. It's an accuse. That is always the reason why and I don't believe it. I have lost my trust for you. And you have messed up again, and have trickled down to the bottom where you have started countless times. But this time you wont hurt me again because I wont let your stupidity put me into another depression. Not again. This is the last time. After that I will be the one vanishing.
Forever...